No longer a nurse....

I had to have major surgery in April of 2019. Nearly a year later and I haven’t been able to return to work.  I’m on the fence on if I’m disabled or not. It’s a battle with denial really.   My brain is in denial that this is my new reality. I worked really hard to be a RN but never really liked anything about it, except maybe the paycheck.

I have three adopted medically fragile children. I still provide nursing care to them. I just can’t be paid for it. But in reality because they are mine I’m not on the liability side if something goes wrong. Ie I have limited feeling in my hands and my fine motor skills are effectively shit. With other people an accidental pinch or weird grab is a bit more serious. I also can’t do CPR compressions, any type of phlebotomy or IV insertion, and looking down for longer than 10 seconds is impossible.   But I’ve trach changed, gtube feed, med administration, and straight cathed my kids.

So now what?  I’m still looking for a less hands on nursing job. We shall see. I’m just not ready to no longer be a nurse.... mostly because I know that I never was in the nursing field I wanted to ever be in.

Never post

I never post on this blog anymore.
Oddly it's because I am just not excited about nursing anymore. I'm not a fan of my job, but I don't really want to do anything else. I feel like I'm in Mommy mode again and not in career mode anymore so work is a paycheck and that is all.

I wish I could be all inspiring and some such, but honestly it'd be bs at this point. Almost 7 years in and I've worked LTC, Pediatric Homehealth, Visiting Nurse for adults, Urgent Care, Telemetry at the Hospital and now Supervisor/Charge Nurse in a SNF.  I've liked and hated them all... lol

Such is the beast of nursing.... Where are you now?

Update

I never seem to get around to posting on the work or school front. My other life just seems to take over. I am NOT in school right now. Maybe I'll got back in a year or two, but right now no time. As for work. I've been busy on that front. Quitting jobs that is. I did a stint in home health again, then moved over to a group home, which did not work out at all. It was more of an atmosphere thing/ favorites thing vs an actual job thing. But the group home job was more like I was a Respitory Therapist then a nurse. The home health was more hours than 40+ a week. Group home pay was bottom of the barrel and an hour away. The home health money was BANK but so much of it was unpaid prep work.

So here I am about to start new job. Second shift nursing supervisor at a SNF.

Working Again

Back in the saddle working again. I decided on Home Health and I have got to admit that the freedom and autonomy of being able to make my own schedule and not have a micromanager looking down my back all the time is even better.

I don't mind the driving and when the actual paycheck comes, well I won't mind that at all.

Where has my career in nursing lead? Well for me, it was always about doing the least amount of work for the most amount of money, in the most rewarding way. It's not for everyone, but it is perfect for me and our ever growing family.

I was told yesterday by a client, " We like the other nurse, but we love you. We trust you." That, is what it's all about.

Career Update

So I quit the hospital in June after my Dad passed away. The cause of death was related to medical error caused by Physician and nursing staff at the hospital I worked at. To say I am angry is to say it mildly... biggest thing is that I am experiencing trauma related to the circumstances surrounding his death and the overwhelming grief. It's manifesting into anxiety and apathy about being a nurse. "How can I help others when I couldn't help my Dad?" or "What do I care if they get better or not?" So yeah I needed a break to step away and deal with what is going on in my heart.

I've looked into other avenues of nursing... I think at this point my love and passion in nursing are combined with mothering my special kiddos. I think my career path needs to reflect a flexibility to achieve that. Home visits I think, possible double weekends back in LTC or an Urgent Care. I haven't decided. Right now it's just an extra paycheck for spending and mad money that I even really need to return to work for.

At this time, even school is off the table as I have no vision for the future where nursing continuing education would be mandated or even used, except to say that I have such and such advanced degree.

We shall see where this detour shall lead... but in the mean time... I am weaning a 23 weeker off of o2, doing feeding therapy to help him get off of a feeding tube, managing physician orders, medication management, helping with physical therapy for 4 kids, doing trach care, suctioning, changing out gtubes, doing enteral feedings, constant assessments for COCs, not to mention prosthetic, brace, and cast care. I continue to maintain current skills on vents, BLS, and central line management... all from home for 4 patients a day.

What do you do?

Job hunting again

It's not that I am a job hopper... it's that I am NOT a job settler... Tele... as I feared is not for me. A lot of things have happened to lead me this way... but most importantly was that this job interfered in my family too much. Since I do not work to live or live to work at this stage in my life... the priority has to shift. I just don't feel the need to work in acute care like a slave, when my true passion and enjoyment... I have already discovered. I guess it just takes that step away to reevaluate life where you learn that... Yes... I AM A CHRONIC CARE PEDS NURSE.

I am still going to go for my masters degree, however, it'll be in Management... since my new career path has lead me to that direction... now to just get all the life stuff out of the way and get onward toward a new... and not so new path.

Insert Sounds of Squealing Brakes here...

My RN-MSN has been put on hold.

Why? Because I am about to tear my hair out.

You see I had the bright idea to become a foster parent. Then, I had the bright idea to say yes to a two month old after already having a 3 year old. I then had the bright idea to say yes to a 14 year old after already having a 4 year old and a 11 month old. I then had the bright idea to say yes to a 7 month old, after already having a 4 year old, a 1 year old, and a 14 year old.

Oh yeah then I got the bright idea to start a PCU Tele job at a hospital AT NIGHT!

Yeah I'm not that bright :-)