31 SOS

Is it just me or is the concept of happily ever after not only improbable but impossible? When the haze lifts and the blinders are off is what was in 1989 enough to sustain past 2010?

At this point I don't even know if its just the culmination of too much stress or if it just has been a long time coming?

Why oh why does it always seem that just when you think, "Ok its good."

It isn't!

Surprise, Surprise, Surprise...

Not a knock on the door but a walk in, introduced my parents this morning. Kinda out of the blue. I have a telephone but apparently they were out and about and decided to continue their drive to the middle of no where to my A frame in the desert.

So my mother, says that she did her Federal Taxes and is getting a good size refund, since she is out of work. AND... is going to loan me the $500 next Friday to finally submit my application to the board. So whenever my check comes in I can just pay her back then!

Hopefully they'll get my application processed pretty quickly and send my ATT so that I'll get a date for February. More likely it'll be early March. But I am keeping my fingers crossed and taking the very first available date.

So I shall be studying my butt off once again... just in case!

Milestones

Ahhh the time has come to officially licence the daughter! I am filled with excitement and adventure for her, sorrow and worry for me. Sorrow because my baby is growing up so fast and worry... well I don't have to explain that one to any Parent.

I drove her to school this AM and we discussed that I would take her next week for the test. She says, " Have you seen that little red car on the lot over by the school?" --->

" Yes, Dad and I have noticed it. Why?" I say. Knowing her answer, of course we had been eyeing the same car for about a month now and giving it every consideration as her first car.

"Oh, I want something like that." she says.
" So I should just buy it for you?"
" Yup and since my "father" owes me a birthday & Christmas present, he should help you." she matter-of-factly states.
" Don't hold your breath." I say. As we pull up to the school. She says she is going to ask him, I know she will be disappointed.

It shouldn't be all about money, but to a teenager who feels the thin strings of her relationship with her biological father slipping away, who is taking Psychology and Sociology this semester, and has learned the term, "serial dad", she has had more and more awakening moments and noticed the parallels between the two.

Does he even have the money? YUP! Big bonus for joining the Army plus he has a job. Will it matter to him? I sure wish it would. It would make my day if I could just run out and buy her her first car, that big red bow moment you see on tv. The joy and excitement in her eyes.

Should she get a job and help buy her own car? Yup! Are there places hiring teenagers in AZ? Well not around here, the closest place is over 50 miles away... not even an option!

It does suck living in a bad economy in the middle of no where. Of course at some point I will be buying her a car, my Dad bought one for me, but a lot of things have to happen first... the most important one is me getting my freakin' paycheck so I can take the NCLEX!!

Self-Evaluations: An Important Way to Play an Active Role in Your Performance Appraisal

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There are lots of excuses for not being proactive in this regard: I don't have time; my manager already knows what I do; it won't make a difference, etc. The bottom line is that it's a mistake to downplay the importance of your self-evaluation. In so doing you remove your voice from a formal process that results in documents that remain on your permanent employment record that could affect your job and your earning potential. Don’t simply be the "recipient" of feedback, you can have a voice, and inform or shape your manager’s perceptions before your performance appraisal and ratings are done.

Whether your facility conducts these as a formal part of your performance management process or not, you can take advantage of this valuable tool to ensure your annual performance appraisal is a fair and objective record of your contributions to the organization, and includes your major accomplishments and areas for potential development.

A good self-evaluation gives your manager a broader perspective to evaluate your performance. Remember it's often really hard for your manager to see the full picture on your skills and abilities, and understand all the factors that affect your performance – they have others to manage, can work different shifts, or might even work in a different location. Completing a self-assessment allows your manager to view your performance through your eyes and get your "side of the story", leading to a better understanding of your strengths and weaknesses. In some cases, the information revealed in your self-appraisal might even guide or redirect your manager's assessment. Go ahead, toot your own horn, and conversely, ask for help in further developing your skills and competencies.

All too often, these annual performance appraisals feel like "top-down" evaluations that leave employees feeling powerless and result in unpleasant surprises for both managers and employees. But they don't have to. Effective performance management requires an ongoing, two-way discussion between you and your manager about your performance, priorities and challenges. One way to encourage this two way dialogue is through self-appraisals, where you the employee, formally evaluate your own performance, then send your assessment to your manager before they write your performance appraisal.

Don't let your manager get caught off guard in your employee performance appraisal meeting, and discover that you have a completely different perception of your performance and value, or that they are lacking vital information that affects ratings. An employee self-appraisal can help identify differences in perception that might not surface otherwise, allowing your manager to prepare appropriately for your performance appraisal meeting and ensure a fruitful discussion and fair performance ratings.

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Monday Revelations

I spoke with the advisers today and

1.) I am exempt from CRE101 (Critical Reading) So that's one graduation requirement I don't have to waste time taking!

2.) I should get financial aide for this term to cover the cost of classes and books for the 3 classes I have to take to get into the next block (RN year).

So... it should be Microbiology, Chemistry and Philosophy starting Feb 16th. I know I blogged alot about being burned out with school, but this time off has told me one thing. I really need to be on a forward path, I hate floundering around like a fish out of water.

So this gives me a plan & a back-up.

Options: Options and me are a bad thing sometimes but I always have to have a back-up plan. That's the way I have been working through this Nursing School Journey. After all the nursing program that I did get into was a back-up, so I am an advocate for A and B.

So... if the stars align correctly and my paycheck comes in I can take the NCLEX-PN and get a job. If I get a good full-time job prior to August I will pursue the BSN route. If I don't get a full-time job then I'll apply into Block 3 at my Nursing School for the ADN program.

Either way its forward progress and perhaps I won't be in this funk for too much longer!

S.A.P

"Your Satisfactory Academic Progress Appeal has been approved for this term providing you make satisfactory academic progress..."


Ummmm.... WTF? Does this mean YES you will give me money or NO you wont give me money?

I am so confused!

Being Christine...

Or rather the show Being Erica has sparked some contemplative thought.

Have you ever wondered if you could go back in time and relive the moments you thought you regretted what would happen? Would you still do things the same? Would changing them make anything different? Would you want to make things different?

I have come to the conclusion that everything that happens is connected to something that didn't happen quite as expected.

So take one regret in your life... got it? If I gave you a second chance to repeat that moment...would you change it? Could you change it?

Ah regrets... so many so many...

Cure for Boredom

So I did it, I made the call to pick up some hours. Of course not CNA hours, I could just not bring myself to actually do that, so I called the DDD ( Division of Developmental Disabilities) that I work with, remember the baby respite I did over the summer? Well I called to pick up some more hours with them. If I don't get out of this house and do something financially productive then I will certainly go postal.

I really hope these people have a better "worker" than my nephew does. Someone who actually does his job,cuz I need to get paid!

Once I start getting some money for the gas, perhaps I can volunteer again! It does kinda suck living out here in the sticks... everywhere is far away and gas sure aint cheap!

Flowbee or Not Flowbee

It is amazing how just getting a haircut can improve your mood and make you feel more human. Of course said haircut came from ME!! I have been known to chop my hair a time or two. Of course I prefer to have it cut professionally but sometimes there just isn't enough money in the budget. So after a manic fit of rage over a crazy cowlicky thing I stomped into the kitchen and grabbed the scissors. Its pretty hard to screw up my style as it's a bit abstract anyway! But I think it came out cute enough and I feel better so that's all that matters.

In the Weeds...

I have discovered the Showtime show Weeds! So I have seen Season 1 & 2 and most of 3 at this point. Netflix has become my boredom buster. Even though that show is soooo wrong, in soooo many ways, it is soooo good!

A naughty little diversion from reality and I need one.


Another snag in the money front toward getting my NCLEX test date. So now I am waiting on 1 state employee to do his job, so my boss can do his job, because I did my job!

With any luck my Boss said I should have a big check next month. Oh joy!

It's In the Game...

So no resolutions this year, because let's face it I never keep them. But I have decided that I really need to take action for my health and for my future. Now I KNOW I need to lose alot of weight and I really KNOW that I am really bad at craving things. I stress eat and I sit on my butt alot.

Sooooo... I am taking Bob Greene's advise and starting the workout before I start any major food changes. I don't plan on giving up a ton of things. There won't be alot of "I can't eat that", because we all know the things you can't have are the things you totally will be sneaking. So in keeping with that plan. I have been hooked up with a copy of EA Sports Active.

So as of Monday I am going to wake up my muscles, that are atrophied, and start their 30 day challenge. Then I start a real fitness program at the Gym.

So new year, new career, new me!

Stay tuned the challenge begins on.... 1/18/10

Dog Rescue

So I think I am going to open a dog rescue. When say a dog rescue, I mean one as in singular, or at the very least just a foster program for this one. We have been having issues for a few weeks of some puppies and such roaming the desert and really making my dogs go nuts in the middle of the night. Not to mention the trash bags being ripped open and the all out mess of that. So the neighbor and I decided that that's enough and even though I have been trying to catch them since I noticed how little they were, I have had no luck. But being a man of the desert the neighbor has a humane animal trap and for the past 3 days we have caught 3 dogs. 2 were puppies and my neighbor turned those over to the humane society friend he has. Babies go pretty quick he says, but being the adopted mother of a puppy, who was going to be euthanized at the age of 3 days old, I know for a fact that they still had a chance of being put down. So this third dog, I got to the trap first, and well he is now sitting in my dog kennel, preparing to get a vet check, shots and neutered if needed.

I have no idea if we are going to keep him, or put him up for adoption. But he looks about 6 months old and well... I could not in good faith turn him over to be put down!

So quick introduction in the kennel to check for aggression and then no more until the vet clears him. Oh and guess who is going to give him his shots?!? LOL

Lather, Rinse, Repeat!

2010 is just 2009 in disguise. Ok well not really, its its own kind of crap so far, with a few of the same issues.

Car trouble- check
Money Issues- check
School issues- check
Want to move- check
daughter sick- check



Here's hoping that by this time next month I will be a little closer to having a better 2010- I did have such HIGH hopes for it!!

When there isn't enough confusion already...

I thought I had registered for classes, taking them online seemed like the answer. No class to rush off to, no worry about who's picking the kids up from school, no gas in the car to worry about, heck, if that job ever comes, no hours or days would be off limits = making me a better prospective employee. Course there has to be a problem, now why wouldn't there be?

So I applied for financial aide- yup $1000 for classes plus books is a bit out of the possibility for me at the moment, so come to find out, I am on financial aide probation from said online college because, get this- " You withdrew from your Microbiology class and that means you did not pass 2/3 of your classes last term and its like getting an F."


WTF??? Now Micro was the only class I was taking at that location & it is a sister school of the college I was taking the other 14 credits with, which I may add I received a 3.5 GPA for, but NOPE doesn't matter to them. How messed up is that? Last time I looked 18 credits - 4 for the dropped class = well OVER 2/3 passed. So I could appeal, provide a reason for my "poor" performance and a strategy for success and continue? I mean what the F is that? So I filled out the form anyway- and well I was a bit snarky. I mean sheesh- If getting a 3.5 in Nursing School wasn't successful then fuck them! Oh and I did not use financial aide for that one class, paid for it in full out of pocket, plus had a 3.8 GPA from them for the semester prior.

So yeah... now I have to decide what to do. At this point I have no idea. I mean I could take classes on campus, but then again that equals all the issues posted above. No job still equals no money for gas to drive the 40 miles each way from stupid Chemistry and Micro x 5 days a week!

Sooooo now what?

My winnings!!

Thank you Nurse Teeny!!

AZ Greetings... a View from my Balcony

Depressed

Here I am bored outta my tree, wondering if I should pick up some CNA hours ( knowing I wont) & a very mild depression is beginning to set in.
Most of my classmates are starting Block 3 on Monday and I am in limbo still.
I think if I had my test date already and was working toward that I wouldn't feel so out of it, but its like I've spent the past two years of my life working towards being a Nurse and although I have a paper that says I completed one program = Practical Nurse, I don't feel like one. I feel as if I am not moving forward, even though I have enrolled in my classes, who's start dates are approaching, and I could tentatively be enrolled in Block 3 as early as May,if space and grades allow, I would rather be on here bitching about my NEW NURSING JOB or at the very least about all the studying I have to do!! LOL

Do I dare?

Say that I am bored when there are so many things I could be doing, and since October of 2007 pretty much have had very little free time, to do them.

I made turkey soup today.

Then spent most of the day playing the in and out game with the puppy,Gunner. I am very deeply still in the process of potty training(housebreaking) this mutt and his 4 month old bladder is having trouble getting the hang of it. This weekend he spent it peeing as he ran to the door, a trail of stinky pee in his wake. But today he is back on track. It may be because my husband asks him if he has to go and sits there waiting for an answer like the puppy can talk or something. Of course to be fair our dog Sasha actually does tell us when she has to go, in a howl that really does sound like " I gotta go " as she wiggles her butt all the way to the door begging us to follow quickly!

Oh and I have been waiting for the inevitable vomit that will be appearing today, I can hear and smell the evidence gurgling in Sasha's belly as the foul garbage tries to evade digestion. Gosh I hope all the trips I have been making to let them both out every few minutes will receive the fruits of that labor.

And of course not to leave the cat out of the mix... Colt, my daughter's cat has spent the day trying to escape out of said door every chance he gets, not withstanding the fact that I can hear the coyotes baying in the distance, whom I am sure would love to have a little cat for dinner!

Gosh the blog is going to be boring this semester

LOL... as the start of the new semester gets closer, I have NONE of the nervous excitement that I have had for the past two! Microbiology, Chemistry and Cinema have no draw! Micro is online and Chemistry and Cinema are in person. Tuesday,Thursday nights and Wednesday morning respectively. Once again a hulu view of Grey's Anatomy. But I just don't think Chem is going to be a GPA booster of a course and as such an in-person class at an alternate college this term. Course its extra student loan paperwork. But less gas and travel time! Yeah!

Of course NCLEX-PN is still looming there for the taking, the job hunt (as days go by I feel the hope of finding a job just dwindle away), & of course getting ready for the application dates for the RN semesters and the Nursing School drama again!

But in the mean time my break is over and tomorrow starts the NCLEX studying with gusto!