Marriage

The thing about being married to your first love is that not being married to them is easier said than done. Chances get extended, begging is accepted and counseling is continued.

Has the ship sunk or can it be saved?


Or...

Am I just stupid to think that we can get over an Internet affair intact & stronger?

10 days and counting from the revelation that my hubby is a douche... but since then, he's been a lot more like the man I married. But of course... can it last?

State Survey

Well great news... I survived my first state survey. When I got to work today they were still there but before I had finished count and gotten report, they were off and out the door! Woot! I totally did not want to be there for that.

Still feeling bad off and on. Motrin is taking the achy away and keeping the fevers at bay. But no high spikes just low grade.

I am feeling very confident about my job and getting compliments at how fast I picked things up and gotten into a grove. I never thought I would memorize that many medicines and treatments for that many residents but its weird how repetitious it is and that after only threeish weeks I have nearly every memorized so that I don't even have to look at the MAR to know who gets what and when.

Of course that leads to some charting errors... well not errors but blanks I have to remember to sign off because they are considered errors.

But of course with the good news is always the bad and that is that I am BORED with my job. Today I put in a Foley and irrigated a supra pubic one. But other than that it does not have the excitement that I need.

Sheesh... I am just never happy. Well except on PAYDAY!

Down with the Sickness

So I started to feel really bad all of a sudden yesterday at the end of my shift. My throat started to hurt a little, but mostly my back and body started to ache really bad. By the time I got home I had a fever. This morning I woke up with a low grade fever too. Glands are a tad swollen but mostly my back hurts. I wonder what it is.

Once upon a time when I worked as a CNA in a Nursing Home I was sick all the time. I really hope that that is not going to be the case here. I mean you can only wash your hands and gel them so much. My hands are red already!

Not enough

1 day is not enough of a day off. I spent it waiting for the Dish Network people to show up. Then had to head to the mall to get some shorts for the boy. He's a PIA to take shopping and at the mall is worse. But he had gift certs for a particular store to spend. $87 for 3 pairs of shorts is NOT my idea of a deal. He likes Wal-mart or Target jeans and I still have to head out and find him those and some shirts too.

Then we had to go over and see about fixing and getting the Jeep. Which was at hubby's work. That thing is a big POS and I can not wait to be able to afford new cars with warranties.

Then it was grocery shopping and home. I did not make dinner but instead we had sundae's.

Then come to find out the DISH receiver is NOT what I wanted either. I wanted 3. 1 with DVR. So when I went to set my recording for Nurse Jackie and Trueblood it blocked the content on my daughter's TV and wouldn't let her change the channel and recorded using her TV. It seems our converters are connected.

So then we fixed that problem and it then recorded on my TV and wouldn't let me watch anything else. Um... the point of DVR is so that I can record while not being home and the TV is still free to watch at least 1 other show. While my son and daughter can use their own TVs. So another phone call I will be making through the crap that is Customer Service at DISH Network! Oh and the only reason we chose DISH over Direct was because of a sports channel so we could catch the Red Sox games and yeah that channel isn't even programmed!

Of course its back to work today and tomorrow so no time for that until Wednesday. Plus, Wednesday I am meeting with the diet center!

26 French 30 CC Balloon

If you are leaking around this... what's next a garden hose?

Weight Update

So still on the losing end. But it has settled to 5 pounds a month. But since I started working the weight is coming off faster. I was thinking of starting the Hcg diet thing.. but I am not sure if I can keep up with the food lists and stuff. So perhaps Medifast, Nutra-System or Jenny Craig. I just need to start with prepackaged meal plans to make it easier. After than I already know about exercise and portion size. After all I have taken a Nutrition class and learned alot as a Nurse.

Hehe.. So since March 18th I am down 16 pounds.

Families

The thing about having a big family is that they have your back. The best thing about big families is that half of mine kicks it ghetto style. So needless to say that even though I can not be there to exact the... payback I think someone deserves. Well at least her husband will know too! After all my family should not be the only one who has to deal with the aftermath of this stupid childish game.

Furthermore, even if it was just some Internet fun that meant nothing on his part,he says he has sworn off totally, and swears that he will try and make it up to me forever and has begged for another chance...

Well it is just not in me to just forgive that there were two people in this stupid fake "romance" and since I get to exact all the punishment on the one here. So should be the option of the spouse on the other end to exact the punishment on the slut that decided that she wanted anything that is MINE.

Hummm... a women scorned and all that jazz!

Pfftttt... have I ever mentioned that I really am a mean bitch?

First Paycheck

Woot! So nice! I can actually pay all of my bills and still have leftover money until the next paycheck which is on the 5th.

So even though this is not my ideal job, I suppose I can put up with it for the money. Plus today went very well, I am getting a bit more used to everything and actually got out relatively early 11:30 today. Which was nice!

“It probably pays more than a person who is stuck in the medical coding industry.”

Find out more click here!!! http://www.medicalbillingandcoding.org

Thanks

for all the kind wishes. I deleted the post I am referring to. The complicatedness, if that is even a word, over all of this is just so mind boggling that I have yet to wrap my head and heart around the same decision.

The heart is a tougher than you know, even if it is so fragile it has been shattered into a hundred pieces.

Its tough when you know that 20 years can be tossed aside and its worse yet when you know that lives will be ruined over your decision.

What makes it harder still is when people say everything you want to hear and you can't trust those words... even though you desperately want to.

So.... I have no idea what is going to happen or what is happening. I guess it'll be one day at a time from here on out and we'll see.

Bonding...

This weekend was filled with male and female bonding, with a bit of family bonding thrown in at the end.

The boys went camping/hunting and from the stories and the excited diatribe we were overwhelmed with when we came in the house, they had a pretty great time. They shot and ate a rattlesnake and pretty much enjoyed the wilds of the desert.

The girl and I hit the spa for mani/pedi's and I had some moles removed while she had her hair cut and colored. Stupid me! OUCH!! But once they heal up, it'll be well worth the pain. I hope! I had a SNAFU with the debit card, apparently there is a daily spending limit on it, which is stupid and I would have been totally FUCKED... thank God I had an extra $100 in the pocket.

On our way to our bonding the girl and I actually saw a snake too. My first one since we moved here 5 years ago. Of course we totally freaked out, even though we were in the car and the snake was on the road. Just the thought of it!

So then as a family we had some burgers on the grill and watched a family movie. Zombieland.. LOL... That's what happens when you have teenagers I guess.

So back to work tomorrow. The honeymoon is over there pretty quick! I am bored! LTC is not the job I see as having my heart, and being the reason I left a place I loved, in order to pursue my dreams. LTC is not my dream. LTC nursing is NOT for me. But I'll put in my year and pray my feet hold up! Even though there have been new things every day the pushing the cart and pulling meds and blah blah blah... just not exciting. When I think back to my clinicals it was the adrenaline jobs that sparked my fire! OR Trauma and Women's Health L&D. I didn't get to be in the ER, but I bet I would love that too! So even if the money is good this job and the shift specifically are really not for me.

If nursing is my dream I am not going to settle. Ya know? So its plug along at my school work and hit that LPN-BSN running in 6 months.

Remarkable men, Skin tears... and just Icky icky icky

Sometimes I am amazed that people can be kind and think of others. My husband for one. Well he really is a nice guy all and all and yesterday I asked if he could stop by work and meet with a resident, a Vet, and give him a hand with the models he was working on. Well he came. It really made that grumpy old man's day.

*****

So then later I had a resident get a skin tear, so another incident report. Of course this was followed by a report that a resident thinks she saw one of the male aides , GASP... Kiss another one of the residents. (Same aide involved in the skin tear)

Ok so skin tears happen, the lady has 4 or 5 at present. Spoke with the doctor and there are standing orders, geri sleeves the works. But an allegation like that. I mean the dude to me is creepy anyway. Sometimes there are just people that you wonder why or how they could do this job. So yeah now there is to be an investigation and whatnot. The main thing that I don't get, and its really eating me up when I think about it is this...

When told he would need to leave pending further investigation, he came to me to say he was leaving. A Disturbing conversation pursued.

Him: " Well I am leaving. Not because of the skin tear but because of something all different."

Me: " Oh why?" (I knew at this point of course)

Him: " Some crazy resident reported that I had kissed another resident."

Me: " Oh wow!"

Him: " Now I am going to lose my job because that crazy lady is just jealous!"

Me: " What do you mean by that?"

Him: < walks away >

Now tell me this... Would you use those words "just jealous?"

I would think more like, " I am going to lose my job and God only knows because of something that never happened. OMG what am I going to do? What happens now?" Blah blah blah...


Turns out that that resident is supposed to only have female caregivers, so not sure where this is going to head. Except that I am sure the state will be in and there will be much more hullabaloo if this is true than over the UTI that the state is still up in arms about!

Sometimes you feel like a Nurse.....

Like when its three hours after your shift and you are the phone with the doctor, because you just finished all the damn paperwork and were late with a dressing change so when you went to do it, you noticed there was a huge blister when you removed the tape, so then you spend forever writing up the incident report, then the change of condition report, then the nursing notes, then updating the careplan, then adding the info to the 24 hour charting report... so at 1:15am the doctor calls you back, gives you an order and then you have to find the new dressing stuff, and run down and put on the new dressing.

Welcome to Nursing!!

Meanwhile on the Homefront...

So yesterday, my first whole day off & I spent it out and about with the hubby. The balance of my student loan money came so it was off to find a car for the girl. Yup spoiled little shit got her way and I caved. Of course it needs some work but its a cute little Corseca and she doesn't have to borrow my car anymore and I don't have to drive them to school in the morning.

So then it was off to the shooting range with the hubby. My hand hurt and I really did not enjoy it. So that was that. I tried but it really wasn't something that I would enjoy doing again. I bought him a pistol that he wanted, told him he'd need to give me the money for it on Friday and we headed home.

Spent a little time reconnecting with the kids. I have no idea what is going on with the Boy. He is so damn moody but I guess that is par for the course for a 15 year old.

Good news on the school front. I passed my midterm for Microbiology by the skin of my teeth. So I guess I have to plug along with that class. I'll try and at least study for it. I need to catch up on Philosophy as well. But there is no way I can pull my Chem lecture grade out of the toilet, but I can possibly still get through the lab part.

I have to work tonight and tomorrow. I am getting my groove and figuring out how to get through everything without having to stay too too late. So its pretty much:

1600 med pass
1800 med pass
Dinner % charting
2000 med pass
2100 med pass
All the PM treatments
2 Skin Assessments each shift.
Charting
*BM
*I&O
*Behaviors

Management

CNA's.... As a new LPN and already on my own and working the floor. I have to be a supervisor. As a former CNA I know how are the job is and personally I think it sucks which is why I am a nurse and not a CNA anymore. But I have already come to see the classic signs of the CNA archetypes.

The "good" ones- They do their job, their rooms are clean & smell like soap, their residents are clean and dry, they answer the call lights.

The "bad" ones- well you have to hunt them down to answer a call light. Their residents are always in the same position, with caked on poo or food at the various orifices.

Then there are the ones that want you to think they are "good" but they are actually "bad". You know the ones that come up to you and tell you what they are doing,all the time, suck up to you, except when you go in the room to do a treatment or something half the face is a mess- usually the side pointing toward the door, the depends are dry but the clothes are soaked with piss. Yeah I totally have one of those.

Ahhh... the joys of being the Nurse!

Well off to work I was called in two hours early.... I have a family somewhere here. I think I remember them... but I haven't seen them in awhile.

CHARGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So yeah at 1100 last night I get a desperate call from the staffing coordinator at work. Begging me near tears to come in and cover the overnight. The nurses can't stay from the 2-10 because they are the double weekend shift and already had worked their 16 and had to be back in at 6am. Mind you its on a side I have not been on before. I would be charge because I was the only nurse on duty on that side. The RN would be on my normal side in case there were issues.

"I'll pay you bonus." She offers.

So heck yeah! $50 an hour to work 6 hours. Cuz by the time I got there it was 12. I manged to leave at 6am, with all my charting and meds passed.

I LOVE that shift & I love that side. If that one opens up I told her I want it!

So yeah after only 4 shifts I was charge. CRAZY!!

Welcome to the world of nursing!!

Alright time for some much needed family time.

Wind me up Scottie

Or wind me down. Now I remember these nights. When I was first a CNA wayyyy back in 1995 I worked the 3-11 shift. It would take me till 2am sometimes to unwind and fall asleep. When I worked 11-7 I did not have that problem. I could fall into bed and be asleep in seconds. Weird how that works.

It's almost 1am and I am tired, but not tired, if that makes since. I know I could strip down and climb into bed and ahhhhhh.... lay there for like an hour and think about all the shit I may or may not have done at work. LOL

Tonight was more of the same. My preceptor was doing my treatments and helping the RN and the LPN on the other side. (I really think we need to staff this way anyway), I just don't understand why they don't have one when there is just so much riding on this care. So anyway, I was on my own. I did VERY well up until dinner. Then it was all of a sudden crazy and I fell wayyyy behind and nearly forgot to give a few meds altogether.

But I at least felt confident about the first half of the night and that's a good thing. I said I didn't need a preceptor as of Monday. I mean she works the other side of the hall and if I have a question I can ask. It's not like I haven't been doing it myself anyway.

How do you wake a sleeping resident.....?

"I have your pain pills..." I tried calling her name, rubbing her shoulder, a light sternal rub, I had no idea if there as a change of condition or what. Then I said the magic words and her eyes popped open so fast it was like I gave her a jolt. Makes me wonder if she heard me and was playing or really is attuned to those magic words? Hummm...

So...

Second shift began and ended with me running the med cart and doing all the treatments. I hope I didn't mess anything up or forget anything.

I started off ok but by 1800 when I was still passing the 1600 and needing to get ready for the 2000, I thought that I really needed to evaluate and make some changes. I think I have decided to change the routine alot in order to be more efficient with my time to get things accomplished. Some of my best strengths are Multi-tasking, organizing, and prioritizing. I think overall my system will work much better and does not include the cutting of corners.

1) Change # 1... While waiting for report and for the day nurse to finish up her tasks. I will get those 4 accuchecks out of the way.

2.) Change #2 . No waiting until the end of shift to do treatments. I will advise the aides to let me know when they put the people to bed that I need to do butt dressings on so I can do them then. It helps to have an extra set of hands to hold some of these people on their side.

3.) Change #3 All those people with 2000 also have treatments. Of those not included in the above change will be added to this one. Most are just a little ointment or cream to some small area or a bit of the fungal powder to the folds.

Just a few changes but I really think they will make a huge difference. Once I learn Who everyone is and where everyone is. Especially once I learn the dang locations of all the meds in the med cart.

In other news:

The staff continues to be very nice. Here I was worried about the fact that they were older and were going to eat me ( LOL ).

I am really tired, my feet are sore and my back hurts. I think I will like the two days on 1 day off 2 days on 2 days off schedule and for now have decided not to add anymore work until school is finished for the term. I really have to at least pass 4 of my 5 classes and at this rate those will not include Chemistry lecture- and I am pretty sure I am going to have to play some major catch up in Micro, as I have not had anytime to study for tomorrows midterm. Probably not the best time to start a new job, but school is a back burner to the job at this point.


All in all I actually really like it here and once I get my grove and make my changes and get my routine established I think I will be wayyyy better off.

Plus once I see the paycheck I am sure it'll all be worth it :-)

First Day Part 2

Let me just say that first and foremost... I am tired and going back to bed for a few more hours after this post... LOL

So the day started off with a Mandatory staff meeting that lasted an hour and discussed the latest State Eval. So yeah a few dings (nothing major), but you know if someone gets a UTI or a hangnail its a big deal. So after that meeting it was on to the floor.

At first she was like, "I am going to let you do the meds here you go." OK but I had no idea where anything was in the med cart yet and their MAR is slightly different than the ones we have used. And we were already over an hour behind because of the meeting. Then she mentioned something about how I used to be a medtech- I have no idea where that came from, because I never said that nor is it on my resume.

I was like... "Well I have not been a CNA since Aug of 2000 and I have been in Customer Service for the greater part of the last 8-9 years and am a new grad LPN as recently as Dec. So yeah I need a little more direction than just take the keys and go. " She was actually really good at training once I spoke up and explained how I learn.

So after a slow start, I did get the hang of it and instead of me pulling the meds. I watched her pull the pills. So I could see where the OTCs were kept and get a better orientation to the cart and flow of it. I did the Accuchecks and drew up the insulin's and then gave all of the meds. I found I prefer the old fashioned pill crusher as opposed to the Silent Knight.

The night flew but we were very busy. I did all the treatments myself.. woot!

And at 1110 I got to go home ;-) Only a 10 hour day.

The worse part is that it took 1 hour to get home so I pulled up about 1230. At which time I gulped 1000mg of Advil and fell into bed... although the dogs kept wanting attention or to go out. This is going to take some retraining. They are so used to me being home and now I won't be.

In other news I just got a call from that Pedi Homecare place I was looking into. Ah screw it... working 6 days a week is the least I can do to pay back my family for the what 2 years I have been without a job.

Now to decide what to do about RN school. I think I will enjoy the 6 months of work and think about heading the LPN-BSN next year.

All in all the people were GREAT... the one training me is the one who will be working with me on all but 1 night a week.

And... the best part... I am NOT a CNA!!! LOL

First Day

Heading out in a few minutes to my first day!!

Orientation

So at orientation today I was offered a full-time position on the 2nd shift, Mon, Tue, Thur, Fri with a permanent hall to learn in. For the same money with benefits too! She said I can also pick up a weekend shift or another day if I'd like to as they post them. I mean maybe I will who knows.

I met the staff... we'll see how they turn out. I'll have 27 residents. Kinda freaked but excited. The nurses there have been there awhile so I hope they don't eat the new girl!

I start precepting tomorrow then on Thurs, Fri & Monday and maybe I will be turned on my own on Tuesday. I pretty much need the most help with charting because I have passed meds before.

Hummmm... oh and tomorrow starts off with a mandatory licensed staff meeting!

I just can't wait to get a pay check! ( which is twice a month on the 5th and the 20th. ) I hate those but I guess it'll make it easier to pay the bills!! Woot! Of course now I have to figure out how to get another car so the kids will be able to get home!

I really hope I do well and prove that I am was worth taking the chance on!!

I got a job!!

Wow I can not believe I am saying that. of course it is not "full time" and the hours aren't guaranteed to be the same every week, or to exist for that matter. Sigh!! But someone is willing to give this new grad that all important experience.

Of course with that being said, she said her two pool people quit recently to take positions at higher levels, which is why she has the two openings she just hired for. They were working at least 32 hours a week, most times more. Plus since summer vacations are here and people always call in sick she said I'll probably get as many hours as I want.

First, let's just say that its a job and I can use it as real life experience even if it is pool! So I will not be getting that "I'd hire you if you had experience" crap.

Second, she said the more flexible you are the better your chances of getting hired on full time when a position opens up. Plus I mean positions open up often... its LTC after all. plus being willing to work all three shifts- which I am, and is why I took these stupid classes online instead of in person, where I am sure they would be easier.

Third, it gives me alot of options since I will not be stuck on certain shifts & It will allow me to enroll in the LPN-BSN program in six months aka the spring.

Fourth, It's $24 an hour and I start tomorrow with orientation and then I get shifts for training. Since I used to make $13 an hour at my customer service job and since I only get $8.50 an hour for respite... I feel like I actually went to school for a reason now! LOL

Of course this helps me keep my options open for a position that is full time of course too. Win win I think.

I am excited and this is a good start... I hear being employed makes you more employable.. lol

Double Edged Sword

"Christine,
Regarding the 2 positions open with my agency. Most all positions are in Scottsdale. I need at least a year of exp. Your cover letter is great I almost hired you just by reading that. I would have if you had experience. So sorry"


LOL... well it kinda speaks for itself.


Well I have an interview this afternoon , have heard from a few other resumes that I sent out, pretty much the same as the above, if only you had experience. Still haven't heard from the place I interviewed at last week. Which kinda bums me out. That would have been perfect. However, I am still hoping to hear from some of the other resumes I sent out on Friday, since it is only Monday @ 10am. I will just give it time and hope that I hear something soon.

Thinking like a Nurse....

Have you ever looked at someone and started diagnosing what their physical conditions and diseases may be?

With an extended family the size of mine I get alot of practice with learning medication side effects, s/s of disease processes, wound care and diabetic maintenance and teaching. I am constantly asking my dad about is BPH symptoms, his BP and what his blood sugars are.

So when I saw my aunt yesterday for the first time in 5 years... I was like, oh you have COPD. You could hear it in her breath sounds and the way she talked. In her case she has both emphysema and chronic bronchitis. Then I was like wow look at that clubbing you have. Hers is predominately caused by Hepatopulmonary syndrome, a complication of cirrhosis, but I think its the first time I noticed, really noticed and could relate the clinical findings in person and not just some book.

Yeah me... lol

Change of plans

So yeah no trip to Vegas because I have a job interview on Monday. I mean I couldn't turn it down and say.. "well I'll be back on Thursday" right? The position is only PRN Pool but it has two days Tuesday and Thursday guaranteed 6a-2p shift. Plus she said the odds of being able to pick up other shifts are pretty damn high. We all know nurses call off alot. Plus she said that being in the Pool when a full time perm position opens up I would get first dibs being already in the pool.

Its experience, its a job, its hours and if I get some homecare hours too I can really make this work.

I guess that means that I will just have to set up some more walk-ins to make the week worth it too and hope I hear from a few more of the resumes that I sent in. One place is hiring for double Baylor weekend shift but its 62 miles away, but it could be worth it too! Who knows!! LOL I am just soooo ready to jump in and be a NURSE!! I totally have cute scrubs calling my name!


On the midterm front perhaps I will hit the library or the study center at the school to get some studying in with the tutors.

Good Friday

Kids are off from school, my aunt came in to stay for a month with my parents. I finished my Micro assignment for the week. Am trying to figure out the Chemistry but all this math is just killing me. I am going to try and eek through this, but I have talked to other people who have taken this class and they said the midterm and finals are pretty math intensive.

I hope to have a shot at the multiple choice sections scoring pretty high and hope that off sets the essay questions which contain the math problems. We'll see how it goes.

I had another interview, this time a phone interview for a position within a Prison. Except that interview ended with the question, "Do you have any credit issues?" Ok is there anyone who doesn't right now? What constitutes a credit issue? Hummm... well so yeah I thought twice about that one. It'd suck to get all the way through and they are like, wow you have a such and such on your credit.

Oh well... so still no news from Tuesday's interview, but I think that will take until next week to hear. The position isn't even open until the middle of the month. I sent a resume email to an agency that hires our new grad. Its Pedi homecare but its experience and that is sooo important. So if I'll give them a call today and introduce myself to the contact.

The thing about going to Vegas for so long it worries me that I may miss a call or something ya know? But then if I am sitting here I may just be obsessing for nothing.

Hummmm... oh well... So on the weight front I am down 13 pounds overall. On the marriage front... we are working through things and reconnecting in ways we should have been all along. Its the little things and well... hummmm trust... yeah well that is easier said than done.

But I am not willing to throw away a 20 year relationship with the love of my life without a fight... even if that means I have to kick someone's ass!

Decisions Decisions...

Stay home and try and study or spend 4 days in Las Vegas with my mom and aunt the weekend before my midterms for Chem and Micro? Hummmm... tough choices.

Yup it may effect my grade, although since we aren't planning to drink it up or gamble it away, its actually just 4 days of a free hotel with wi-fi and a pool to chill by and a hotel room to hide in, away from the distractions of home. With the added bonus of some free drinks and a little distraction from that which has become my current existence.

Walking around the strip to get some exercise in and have a few laughs. With the added bonus to get away from the hubby for 4 days.

I do have a plan on how to study, I am sure being here or being there won't make much difference in the end.

Plus I'm broke so its not like I can spend any money there ;-)

Hummmm... yeah decisions decisions. Ok Need to get this weeks quizzes over, print out my study guide and get some stuff ready because we leave Easter morning.