RIP Murphy

We LOVE YOU!

What a way to end the new year...

Well we had planned to do some shopping today... I got a new Laptop finally. Dell Inspiron! Go me! While we were out however all hell appeared to have broken lose. When we arrived home we were in for a shock!. Apparently a Momma will still protect her baby even if it is over 1 year old, or at the very least, help baby gang up on Papa! Murphy really must have pissed her off! As I type this he is sedated and undergoing suturing to numerous puncture and bite wounds! I don't think I have ever seen a dog look like that, that wasn't involved in some kind of dog fighting ring. But man poor Murphy! I have no idea now what to do about this. I know he has been trying to assert more dominance lately, but Sasha is not having any of it. I wonder if this is going to end it or open a whole other can of worms? They will be seperated when we are not at home that is for sure! So instead of a day tomorrow filled with a trip to the shooting range for hubby, Korean BBQ for both, followed by the movie New Year's Eve.. its a $300 something dollar Vet bill and some crunch-n-munch! Why do the dogs always pick the worst times to cost us money?

Merry Christmas

caption this...

I have this one "friend" on on facebook. She posted a picture recently....

Was your first thought... "Where's Harry?"

Ah Christmas Time in the Valley

I really hate baking, but I braved the mess and made 4 different kinds of cookie dough from scratch this afternoon. My son was helping with the flour and was amazed at how messy it was... yeah baking takes too much time and is so messy. I hate the clean-up part. I still have to actually roll out, shape, bake and decorate most of them. But at least I started it. Gingerbread, Sugar cookie, Jam Thumbprint (strawberry,apricot and grape), peanut-butter kisses. I may even bake a batch of mini cheesecakes. Of course I still have to work this week, finish Christmas shopping and wrap! Why do we do this to ourselves every year?

If only I were a food critic...

So today I went to meet my daughter's boyfriend's Dad and Step-Mom for lunch. The kids have been dating for nearly 3 years and we had not met yet r/t them living in TX. So we all decided to meet up at this restaurant called The Old Spaghetti Factory. So it's myself, my husband, the two of them, the girl and her boyfriend, and his sister and her three kids. So a party of 10 not bad really. The Restaurant is totally not busy, which is a surprise since it is part of the food court at a very busy mall. So we order straight away, salads come about 20 minutes later. 1 hour after they clear the salads entrees finally come. Frustrating but whatever. So anyway they place the food and proceed to tell us that myself and my daughter's order will be out in like 6 minutes. The type of Lasagna that we order is fresh made every day and they didn't have any. They had to make more? Ok so after nearly two hours of having our order they didn't have time to make two veg lasagnas? WTF? I mean come on, I prep and made that in 1 hour. So anyway, everyone was waiting for us to get our meals, so as not to be rude before they started eating, but after 10 minutes, I really had to insist that they eat, their food was going to be absolutely cold. So about 10-15 minutes later, a total of about 15-20 minutes past the 6 we were promised, out comes 1 order of the lasagna. I mean WTH??? At this point I was like, " Look this is totally unacceptable. I want to speak to the manager." Everyone had completed eating and I had yet to get my food. First off its pretty embarrassing to for me and for others for them to hate to sit there and have to eat infront of me. Second, at this point the freaking waiter was coming around asking everyone else if they wanted their ice cream that came with the meal. Third, I had never met these people before. So either this is going to be a funny, remember when, story or it has totally soured everything. So randomly the other Manager, not the one the waiter was supposed to bring back, comes over doing their normal,"How is everything rounds... " So how are we treating you?" he says with a big smile. Like he knows everything is awesome and I bet he was not expecting what he got. Appalled he runs right back to the kitchen many apologies in his wake. Comes back about 5 minutes later with my plate, and then states he's going to comp the lasagnas. Umm... yeah well DUH! So he comes back a few minutes later with a spiel about, " Wanting to assure us that they have great food and great service and that they want our repeat business." At this point I have had two bites of the lasagna. Not only does it taste watery, like wet noodles were thrown onto the plate, but the inside is freezing cold! This bit of food had not even been baked! That's IT! I'm done! Game over! Christine has absolutely checked out at this point. So as he hands us 5 $25 gift certs for a return visit, I am have to say, " This is cold. This is crazy. Not only do I NOT want to come back, I do NOT want this "free" lasagna, or ANYTHING else from the kitchen at this point." End of story.... Party of 10 entire meal comp'd, plus the gift certs. ( Which BTW are getting regifted, because I will really not "try them again"), and sorry to say even the waiter was not getting tipped. I don't feel bad, because after an hour from the time you served the salads, you really should have refilled some drinks or offered some fucking bread or something!

All in a day's time

So after work I shuttled the hubby to work, then headed out to my WLS doctor's appointment. I ate before I went and got weighed in, who knows if that really was the reason for the 5 pound weight gain since last visit, or if it was all that cortisol from last week that just packed it on? Oh the joys of finals. However, since I missed last month, I may have to start my 6 months totally over! Or just add an extra month, we will just have to see what the insurance says. I am trying something new this month, so maybe I'll see some weight loss that way too!

Then after that appointment I went and had my fingerprints taken, ran over to the bank to get the damn money order, was raped by the teller in fees, now I know better than to buy one at the bank! Then went home and mailed the application.

I am hoping that it won't take too long since, hell, I have had quite a few background checks done over the last few years because of jobs and school. I shouldn't be too hard to find in the system.

Then I tried to get some sleep when I got home at 0930. Of course that took awhile to wind down so I managed to sleep from about 1030 until 1600, when it was time to go pick up the hubby again.

To my surprise I got a phone call from one of my very first AZ friends, whom I haven't talked to in about a year, so I called her and chatted while I was waiting for hubby to come out.

Course then it was over to get dinner, Indian food for me, pizza for the boys, stop over at the phone place to have my phone fixed and then home to eat.

Bet you wish you had stopped readying before this? LOL

Lots to do...

Ok so tomorrow I will go down and get the fingerprints taken, and send in my application. I hope that it doesn't take too long to get the card back, but this time of year who knows?

I have yet to start my Christmas shopping so I need to get that done as well. The kids are leaving the day after Christmas for 3 weeks to visit the relatives in Boston and Delaware so it'll be very weird around here.

The next semester doesn't start until almost the end of January, so maybe this month I will be able to get those HESI's out of the way without stress and everything will be all set for when that cards comes in.

Ok off to work. A bad reaction to a medication caused me to miss a day this week, so I still have tonight and tomorrow for my week. But its all good. I mean I really can NOT complain about my job!

Block 3 Entry SNAFU

Well it does not look like I can apply for the spring semester to start in January d/t a new fingerprint card law. My card just so happened to be received previous to the date they started printing a difference on the cards. So now I have to resubmit my fingerprints and wait the 4-6 weeks to find out what they put on my card, and then I can apply! I can submit as soon as it comes in of course, and my application goes in the pile for the next available start. But that will totally be after everyone is already placed for the spring start. I think though there may be a March or a summer start since they have the accelerated programs. But who knows?

What this means is MORE pre/co req drudgery for next semester and limbo on the RN start date portion.

So it will be Human Pathophysiology and Clinical Healthcare Ethics for the spring semester. Which leaves me with Human Nutrition, College Math, Statistics and Health & Culture, to round out my BSN Gen.Ed. requirements.

I guess this delay in start will be good for my surgery in Feb/March if nothing else.

Nook Study and Aps for Nook Color

Really piss me off because I have a Nook. I love my Nook. I love having a million books in my hands at once and it being light as a feather! I love not getting the hand cramp from holding the books, and the backache from lugging them around.

But... I really would like my textbook and exam cram aps on the Nook I already have!

The problem with technology is that they don't make it universal for their products. So if I want exam books I need a pc, so I have to lug around my laptop. If I want exam aps, I have to buy a Nook color!

Frustrated, cuz I want them all with what I already have!

what I learned this semester...

1. I am not cut out to learn anything that is based on the cellular level.
2. I must have been in a totally different class than the material being tested on.
3. If its a pathological immune response I understand it
4. Taking a Saturday only class is NOT good for the GPA!
5. I am so freaking glad that class is over!
6. I am pretty sure I only got a C :-( ( Which would make 3 C's in my entire college career... oh how funny, they are all based mainly on cellular level study!


Bleck!

***update: final grade still not posted, but according to the total number of points, all I need are 4 points out of the total 60 points available from the final and I will get a B for the class! No chance for an A unless I got a perfect score or pretty darn close to it, which is impossible! But I'll take a B ***

Success

Finally I was able to figure out an UNKNOWN in Microbiology! After a very rocky start and a sample that even the instructor couldn't identify, I was able to isolate 1 colony and from that achieve an A on my final lab test! 25/25 Woot! I can tell you that I totally sucked at lab this semester when it came to figuring out the unknowns, hell, just figuring out how to find it in the microscope was nearly impossible. But when it counted it was perfect!

Now for the final and that make-up test. Hate finals that are anything goes! I really wish they would have offered some type of focused study guide or something. I mean hell if hardly anyone passes the final, that may be a sign or something!

Finals week

Well it's that time already...Finals! Felt like I would never get here. So the last test went very well. I think I managed to pull off an A. So if I can swing an A on that make-up an exam, then I could pull out a B for the class. Which is OK by me!

Its then off to finish up the final stuff for the RN application and waiting on a spot. I hope!

WLS... had to reschedule some appointments so it looks like it will probably be in early March instead of Feb. But we shall see.

Hummm... that's it for now.

WLS update

So proud of myself, over the Thanksgiving Holiday I did NOT gain weight. I actually managed to lose 2 lbs. We will see how it ends up on the next weight loss visit. But that is a good thing!

Decisions Decisions Decisions

Ok so I deleted the post about the HESI A2 I was supposed to take. Didn't have the extra cash after forking out money for unexpected things. Hubby's Jeep is dead again back to the one car shuffle for a bit. Now with 3 of us needing the car though it does make it a bit harder, but somehow I bet the gas used and miles put on the car will not even come close to being as high as they were before we moved.

So my son is going through some things with school. He has always been a problem when it comes to school. He is VERY smart, but unmotivated and lazy when it comes to things he does not see a point in. He has always been this way and its so frustrating as a parent. He has a logical answer for everything and a solution for each statement in his singular way of thinking. It's pretty hard to argue with him. I have also gotten to the point where I am sick of fighting over Highschool.

The problem is this. Dropping out is not an option, but its THE option at the moment that makes the most sense for what he wants. He's two weeks away from 17, and a JR. Nothing shocking there. The issue is he wants to join the Army. The problem, the school he is in now is considered to the Army to be only as good as a GED!

The dilemma, if the school, which is an online highschool is only as good as a GED to the one program he gives a shit about, how to convince the boy that getting his Highschool diploma is important?

Going to a brick and morter school is NOT an option. He flat out refuses to go back to his old highschool or to start at the local highschool here, simply to say he got a highschool diploma. He has also informed me that he will NOT go to graduation and will not participate in commencement with cap and gown even if he does.

We have discussed that he can maybe transfer in his last semester of his senior year and do half day of classes at the regular highschool to get "credit" from the Army as a diploma. The problem is he does not like the classes and format that he has now and its a constant battle to get him motivated to finish.

Option number two would be to withdraw and get his GED then enroll in the local community college and take 15 college credits, which in turns changes his enlistment status and he can go into the Army without any issues. He likes this option because the classes he would take in college are all geared towards law enforcement and not highschool classes.

So Junior in Highschool to College Freshman by spring semester? I know he can do it, he passed his AIMS (Arizona Standardized tests) graduation requirements with exceeds in everything, his practice tests for the ASVAB are in the 70's which is VERY high and qualifies him for any job. Soooo.... urgh decisions decisions.

The Mom in me just wants him to go to regular highschool do well, go to college do well, and stay home forever, with some grandkids added in the future.

$92

For the privilege of getting to take tests? Urgh! Just Urgh! Why do they have to have an expiration date on a freaking test? I am not looking forward to this.

Musings of a nearly Empty Nest

So I have been doing alot of thinking lately. Its just one of those things that happen when you have a ton of down time at night and tv is so boring that your brain wanders.

My son will be 17 in two weeks. Only 12 1/2 months and he will be 18. He plans to join the Army. He seems very set on this and excited about the prospect. Everything he is doing right now is geared directly toward that. So I guess I have to just get used to the idea.

My daughter is already 18 and is about to finish up her first semester of college. I know its a matter of time before she finishes up at the community college level and heads over to ASU. Will she move out then? Who knows. But its on the horizon soon I'd imagine. After all she does plan to marry a Navy Officer.

So then what? I'm only 36 now. What next? Well besides RN and school related to that, I was thinking globally. I will be 40 and my nest will be empty. I should be finished with school by then. Maybe I want to volunteer in some third world country for a year? Maybe I want to adopt a few pre-teens and continue parenting? I have always felt that there were children missing from our family, and despite seeing this "free" time, I really think I have room in my heart to share with a foster child that needs a forever family.

Getting hubby on board for these musings may not be easy, but honestly, I think he has some more parenting left in him two.

So in four years where do I see myself? Hummm....

Blah Blog

Sorry about the crap posted this month and the measly 3 posts. Guess I just don't have much going on this month interesting enough.

Work is going ok, the new house is coming along, school is just boring. I have nursing application stuff to do, but that isn't until after Thanksgiving. So yeah not too much.

Suck it!!

Even though Micro has a few laughs, I cannot wait for this class to be over!! Wow her tests suck! I am doing ok and since the material is now onto immunity and things I already know, I hope to continue to increase my grades going into the final... of course she tells us today.... "Usually people don't do well on the final!" Um.. doesn't that mean you write to many trick fucking questions???

Operation 5 pounds

Ok so day 1 of operation 5 pounds by 11/18. The good part is that my next "weight loss" visit is not the day after Thanksgiving! LOL

So I have started a protein smoothie that tastes good and that I can tolerate without vomiting search. I have come to realize I must do this without the help of protein powders. For a picky eater like me taste is EVERYTHING, and I have just not found one that I can actually eat. So its Greek Yogurt and cottage cheese to the rescue, with the aide of Carbmaster and nectar. So far so good on that one. But I know I will need to change it up. I am thinking of a coffee flavored one, and of course an awesome potato leek soup from Campbell's that I found will work with some added cottage cheese for the extra protein! This should help get me through that pre-op diet week and the liquids after surgery weeks... or at least I hope so!

The thing about my job is...

I always seem to be cramming make-up hours into the end of the week when I actually have things to do. So two 16 hours shifts coming up with a micro exam tucked neatly in there for kicks!

I love my placement and that is the only reason I have not looked for another job!

Just things...

School:
Ok third Micro exam coming up this weekend. 1 more and a final after that. I really want it to be December and this class to be over. Its just so tedious, but at least I am actually learning and applying the knowledge. I actually made a statement about a central line infection and then the doctor quoted me verbatim as the reason for it too! I feel so smart... LOL

My application is in process for the RN program. I have those entrance tests I need to take and get some medical stuff done again. I just updated my CPR so that's one thing to check off the list.

In class its hard to not listen to others conversations and there are many applying for Advanced Placement too. But not a whole lot that I am worried. I mean at this point starting in January or August makes no difference to me. There are not many good jobs out there anyway, plus I could always fill the gap with all those BSN classes that are still on the horizon! What a change from the girl who wanted this to be done so quickly.

Home:
So the new house is coming along. I am really liking how close everything is. Just a few more things to clean up and out of the old place still, can't wait for that to be DONE. My back is killing me!


In WLS news... not much else really. Gotta think of just exactly how I plan on losing 5 pounds this month without stepping on a scale... oh and with Thanksgiving! LOL

Half way till L day...

Today marked the half way point until my surgery date. Today's appointment marked a 2.5lb weight loss... an overall weight loss of 3.5 pounds so far... but then again, I haven't been trying either. I am only trying to make the scale go down at each visit. Only 3 more "weight loss" visits required by the insurance company. October's goal of 3 pounds lost was almost obtained. So November's is 5 pounds.

Moved

All moved... this commute is awesome! Home by 0715 instead of 0800.

Now to not get in trouble over charting. I keep changing it to what they want then its not enough! Urgh!!

Oh well.. moving on.

Day 1 Liquids

***update** Due to moving the blender is half here and half there. So liquids today will not be the start date. Once again the Medifast oatmeal straight out of the packet induced large amounts of emesis. So needless to say... that may be a weight loss trick but NOT one I can "stomach" Nasty shit! So moving on to try something else once the blender is in one place!


Oh and tonight at midnight starts the first attempt at a week of liquids! This is going to be soooo hard. But its only 7 days right? If I want this then I have to prove it. Doctor appointment/weight loss appointment #3 is on the 28th.. my hope is to be down a total of 4 pounds since my start weight. 3 for this month on top of the 1 last month I accidentally dropped. Haha!

Moving day

Is fast approaching. My case came home yesterday but there is no way I can make-up 40 or for even 36 hours at this point and still get all the stuff I need done to move. My next two days would have looked like this...

Thursday work 7p-7am Friday , pack or sleep, Work Friday 7p-7a Saturday, drive 30 minutes to school, have class from 8-1230ish, then home to finish packing, help with loading, then unloading, then unpacking, then sleep when? That would be just too much and I know there is NO way I can do that and still function. Its a nice thought but one I know that would end with me doing nothing.

I was telling the Mom that I can only work my regular schedule this week even though there was no work on Mon and Tues, The mom was like, " You can spend the day here if you want to get your hours." Um yeah thanks, but there is this thing called sleep? She laughed, " Oh yeah I forgot."

Weight Loss Surgery

So have I mentioned I started the process to get weight loss surgery? Well I have, In August I met with the doctors for a Lap-Band procedure. Its the least invasive and most reversible, with the least amount of complications. However, many have had success with it.

So I found out insurance covers it, but there are many hoops to jump through. I think I am on hoop number 10 of 1 million. But anyway, there is a cardio appt, psych appt, sleep study, blood work, lung function test, and monthly diet meetings and weigh ins for 6 months. I am on month 3 if they counted that first month. My surgery should be around the first week in February.

Now the lap-band is not a weight loss be all end all like the gastric bypass is. It works slow and only with a very restrictive diet phase. It requires frequent follow-up visits and exercise to make it work.

So all in all its a tool like any other but with a bigger edge for those of us who need an extra helping of willpower.

So with that said, my second/third weight loss appointment is on the 28th. For the week leading up to that appointment, I have to be on a liquid diet, because it will include a liver ultrasound to see if my liver shrinks down to make accessing my stomach during surgery easier.

So its protein shakes and only Medifast meals for a week. With luck I will also drop the 3 pounds that was my goal this month too. ;-)

How many more days until this semester is over?

I actually did better than I thought on that last exam so that was a good thing. Class isn't all that bad, but I am really bored with it and just want it to be over. I am not a fan of germs.

I agreed to do what?

Monday I called off so I could decontaminate myself from the gallon of paint that was still attached to me after the 4 day painting fest that took place.

Last night I worked 12 hours to catch up. Today I got called off as an unexpected GI bleed lands case in PICU again.

However, I agreed to work another case 7a to 9 p Thur and Fri to make up the rest of my 40. Two back to back 14 hour shifts, packing, moving, cleaning, painting and school.

What the heck was I thinking?

It looks so easy on HGTV!

Urgh I hate painting. I love painted however. Trying to figure out color combinations and what looks good on the sticker vs. what looks good on the wall are two totally different things.


This is the kitchen wall color. Cabinets are white and the counters are a grayish blue as well.


This is the family room color... except it was supposed to be a soft brown , but looks more peachy gold.


I cannot however figure out a color to paint my bedroom wall. This is the decor.

Any ideas?

When will I ever learn?

So today's Micro exam was an epic fail! I didn't really get to study as well as I should have, and not having had an exam created by that instructor, I had no idea exactly how to study. But I talked myself right out of the correct answer in the last minute. That correct answer was a MAJOR concept and of course effected every other question pretty much. So yeah I think an A is gonna be out of the question.

This class is boring and so stress free, unlike the rigor that was Chem, that the material just does not stick in my head. I really should have known after the first day I went, that the teacher's style and mine were not compatible.

Oh well... moving on and moving forward, can't look back. Maybe I'll rock the rest of the material!

Housekeeping

82 degrees in Arizona means AC off and windows open. So as I am opening said windows it becomes apparent that I am a terrible housekeeper. I also hate hate hate to do it. So that makes sense. I say this because there is at least 2 inches of dust on my windowsills. Who would have thought to dust those? LOL

So I have decided to start looking for a housekeeper/cleaning service for the new house. Start right away and it'll stay clean right?

Ah...Domestic help... not just for the rich anymore!

Redecorating

So I am thinking this will be my new couch and loveseat for the new house. I want a bold color to go with the the taupe, beige or gray walls I want to paint in the living room. The family room gets the old couch. Keeping in mind that pretty much all the walls in the common areas will have the same shade of paint. Except perhaps the kitchen.

When your birds are about to fly the nest

So I haven't really mentioned the fact that my daughter turned 18 a week ago. I actually was in a bit of a funk over it. I just felt bad all that day! Which is totally unlike me when it comes to birthdays with the kids. I did make her her craving and a cake and it was a quiet family night. But no big bash or anything. Have any of you other mother's out there had a hard time with 18? Its just such a reminder of that impending empty nest. Which still won't be for awhile, but you know what I mean. The option for her is there. She got her first job too!

Don't get me wrong I am so proud of her!! She is growing up a wonderful woman. But she is growing up so fast! My son is not far behind that, he'll be 17 in two months!

What's a Mom to do?

House Updated!

Ok so I am happy, a little shell shocked with regard to last minute fees. But overall, I got the house. Oh and did I mention it is only $850 a month! 3 bed 2 bath 1400 sq ft, huge island kitchen, french doors onto the patio from the master, bonus step down family room & formal living room.


Yeah for a 7 frigging mile commute. My wallet is going to be so happy!!To put it into perspective, Currently my daughter takes my car to school 4 days a week then over to work then home. Her drive to school is 33 miles 1 way, then 15 miles over to work then another 25 miles back to our house. Then I take the car and drive another 48 miles 1 way to my work. So that is 169 miles each day round trip when you add that, with a car that gets only 22-24 miles MPG... NOT a good deal. Plus its the car we drive everywhere else too. I put almost 700 miles a week on my car!

Moving is gonna suck... I am going to paint before we move in too. So here's hoping we get it all together!

on the Horizon

October should be packed full of school getting ready. Time to get the RN application in order and get all the entrance exams taken again. Urgh! This really pisses me off... why does the HESI A2 expire? I mean its pre-nursing info. Its not like my knowledge base of reading and math are going to change much in a year!

Humm... now just to figure out when to take them. Microbiology is getting harder. So that's a "thing" , maybe now I will remember that it exists? Ok time to take my weekly quiz!

Ha Ha Ha

I changed my mind again. Cross your fingers people. For some reason I really want this. Maybe because its not a beige box? Maybe because its only 7 miles from work? There was alot of interest though. : - (

Good News

My daughter got her first job and I have decided to curtail the idea of moving in favor of redecorating and buying some new stuff... LOL

I just do not feel like packing, moving, unpacking, etc. I don't know but I think I am getting too lazy in my old age. Or the thought of yet another rental I will not be happy with has gotten to me?

Not an episode of House Hunters

I really love that show... my son says, Its my fix for moving when we aren't actually moving. He is very perceptive. I like looking at houses, I love moving into a new place, new house clean, fresh paint smell. I hate the applications, credit checks and waiting. It's like car shopping.... I HATE car shopping.

What is it about this class?

I almost forgot about it again!!! OMG... what is going on with me? I think it's because its only on Saturdays, there is no homework, and so far there has not been a need to study. I took a quiz today though online and realized that I should never second guess my first instinct because I do actually know this crap.


Anyway.. looking at two houses tomorrow after class. Wish us luck, It would be so nice to save money on gas and have a short commute for a change.

House Hunting again

So we started house hunting again. Just for rentals right now. Since I like to move alot :-) Anyway its pretty much because the need for a shorter commute is just a big deal. Our current landlord wants us to sign another lease, but since ours expired in Aug, I really have only wanted to do a month to month so we could move in the cooler weather for a change.

However, because its a different market than I am used to I am not really sure where I want to start looking. Of course craigslist, but you still have to be careful. Also the areas we are looking in are 1 older and 2 can be sketchy. All I know is I prefer private rental vs management company. But closer to work and school is the key.

Last time this was easier I had a nice rental mls to look at!

Federal Jury Duty Summons

Is this because I registered to vote? LOL Ok, so Federal Jury duty is pretty weird. I am actually "on call" for a whole week. I have to start calling on Oct 29th to see if I have to report to the courthouse and every day that week unless I am called in.

I work nights... this is pretty messed up. I think I would just prefer if they said come on this day and it be done with, like state jury duty is.

I actually wouldn't mind being picked for a jury though. I think it'd be interesting in some aspect at least. But I don't want to have to drive down there after a night shift either... ya know!

Is there Facebook in Heaven?

We have had a lot of deaths in my family over the past few years. Which is normal for an aging HUGE family. Some more expected than others. My point is that is it me or do you think its weird to post facebook posts to the hereafter?

Has facebook replaced good old fashioned prayer or graveside visits?

I think there are some things that social media should just not be used for. Seeing someone post on a dead person's wall is just plain old spooky... and to me it kinda hurts my heart a little every time I see their face and name pop up on my status updates.

Back

Back from Mass and back to work. 3 12's plus class this week. As well as two nights of wearing the sleep study weirdness.

Today was lab work then helping my son get his butt back in gear with his last couple days of his first block of classes. Art History sucks! LOL

So... hum not much else really going on right now. Hope everyone else is well!

Reflections

This last couple of days have actually been nice in a way. I have been able to reconnect with family and haven't had to deal with the actual loss yet. Funeral and Wake are Monday and Tuesday. At which time this trip will start to suck again.

My emotions are really on the brink right now. I have that perpetual lump in the throat, every little thing brings the tears to the surface, which I refuse to shed yet, and to top it all off I am having panic attacks.

Mostly the panic attacks were due to driving on these tiny streets again. Wow driving here in the dark sucks! Az's wide open can see for miles streets are a whole new world compared to the cramped and winding, can't see the sky through the trees, pot holed filled streets of New England.

Oh and my asthma had flared up with a vengeance!

So yeah I love and miss my family sooo much... but Massachusetts is not a good place for me to live anymore.

Sad way to see the family

Headed out to Boston. My Aunt died VERY unexpectedly. My Mom's practical twin, they were only 11 months apart. Very tough week ahead. I went back and forth over going and in the end decided that in order to make my mom go, or else she'd regret it, I booked the tickets.


Then about 5 hours later remembered that I have a class this week and a test. OK I think there is just something about this class that doesn't want me to go.

Oh well I get one exam make-up and hopefully this will be it.


RIP Auntie Cathy... I love you! Thank you so much for your support, you will be missed!

When its easy....

Its easy to forget that I am actually taking a class. I have a quiz this week I need to take and an exam this week I need to study for. She says its the easiest of the 4 exams she will give and usually the one everyone does the worst on because of her style of testing. So either I should get my ass in gear and get cracking... or I already know the material. I can't figure out what it is just yet... because I can actually spit out a lot of crap on the topic. Hummm... why does it feel easy when I know it's really not?

The content should improve soon, I also need to study a bit to retake my HESI A2 and HESI-PN for the application. Mine have expired. Sucks because my scores rocked.

This heat is really adding to the tired and lazy feeling I have. I am sooo over this damn dog days of summer! Triple digits begone already... don't you know its nearly Fall?

Protein Powder Samples

So I am not a big protein powder or bar fan or anything. But I have to figure out something I can tolerate for a few weeks. I found this site that sells Peanut Butter Cookie, Chocolate Cake & Vanilla Cake flavors. I assume that just adding cake to a flavor does not actually make it any better than just plain old chocolate or vanilla but the peanut butter one sounds interesting.

Apples to Oranges

Wow comparing Chemistry to Microbiology is like the title suggests. I mean there is VERY little stress to this class at all. I have tiny lab projects, easy quizzes, and no math! LOL

We are told the exams will be a bit harder of course with, multiple choice, essay and fill in the blank labels. But other than the SNAFU at the beginning of the semester so far I feel wayyyy better about this semester as opposed to Chemistry.

Of course I knew going in that Chem was going to be hard which is why I kept putting it off but I do not dream about Micro which is good, because its just nasty!

Note to self

When you get a prescription that is for a Thiazide... even though it says take q AM... take it q PM instead!!!

So work crisis averted

I did get written up. But oh well could have been worse. I mean I think every Nurse gets written up for something in her career. It was not my first and I am sure it will not be my last. However, it will never be for the same thing! But my meeting was not with the snotty bitches it was with the RN manager and she is pretty nice so that was a good thing. My BP couldn't take anymore.

So anyway I am off to my PCP to see about getting some BP meds and maybe some happy pills. This is going to be the start of 6 months of doctor visits to get ready for the "new journey"... the bad part is that if I get into the Spring RN program this new journey could be a little harder to accomplish, but it WILL be done.

182/101

Wow that is crazy. I know I have been feeling bad lately. I know I have a TON of stress. But when the doctor says that I should send you to the ER... you know something is up. HR was 120 and Pulse Ox was 93% on RA.

Why as nurses do we neglect ourselves so much?

First Day... Fail

So apparently there was a mix up and not only did my class start last week, NOT TODAY, but I also missed a quiz I can't make up.

HOLY FUCK!! How on earth did this happen? I checked that date a million freaking times and it showed up as the 27th not the 20th. Of course when I go in today and look at it the dates are no longer there because class had "started"

I totally SUCK at life this week! I got a call from work saying we need to discuss some issues when I go in on Monday. Course I know its about being behind on paperwork and all due to all this back and forth to the PICU stuff but anyway... you never want to hear those words.

I have been looking for extra hours and have actually gotten to interviews for adult visiting nursing and prn facility shifts. So worse comes to worse and I get in more trouble than I should... well... here's hoping!

Deja vu... again

First day of classes start for me tomorrow. Already I have been having trouble sleeping. But I think it was more related to my daughter's school issues, which were solved AFTER I paid for everything out of pocket. WTF? The Book Advance came in the day after I had already paid for her books. So needless to say she was able to buy a brand new laptop for herself with the money instead. But since she will totally need that for classes anyway it went to good use. Now to restock my bank account! Between my tuition and books and her tuition and books this paying as I go thing was a really silly idea :-)

Snotty Bitches

Some people just have that tone of voice that insights the term. I have to deal with them on an infrequent basis, like q2w. I am so glad its not daily. Urgh!

Two College Students in the Family

Wow where did the time go? Classes start tomorrow for the girl and Saturday for me!

In other news I have a deep ache/burning sensation in my calf that is very close to the back of my knee. It has lasted quite awhile now. It sucks! I think I need to make an appointment to get in to see the GP this week if I have time.

8 more days until "other journey" starts. Hummm wonder how that will go?

Ok off to the grocery store and over to celebrate my nephew's 21st birthday.

Vent it upon the blogosphere...

And someone listens apparently. Crisis averted.

PS Sorry

Ok sorry this hasn't had much nursing or school related stuff on it... but it will get better soon. I promise!

In other news I freaked out over touching a stingray and my husband and son got to pet a shark!

Just when you catch up...

Something comes along and knocks you back down. Urgh!! I love my job but the fact that they didn't pay me for 1 week is making things pretty fricking tight right now. It is times like this I really miss punching a time clock instead of relying on email or faxing paperwork. Not to mention that I am not working this week as it stands. Hopefully she'll be home by Thursday so I can squeeze in another 40 hours in 3 days and stay on track.

In addition there is so much to do for my daughter for college right now and her school has decided to start a new Book Advance Program to replace the book voucher system. Oh great! Since classes start next week and that program is not up and running, now what?

I DO NOT have the cash for her books this week... because of said paycheck SNAFU! Urgh!! If its not one thing its another!

So guess what...

Another hospital trip and a forced extra long weekend. Pretty sure that I'll be able to pick up the hours at the end of the week if all goes well though.

Tonight was a long night... so hard to stay awake.( Ok I admit it my eyes did close a time or two) But I found this really cool Youtube site that was pretty funny to watch. A nurse who has all kinds of advice and she is really informative. So I really had nothing to do. my night consisted of monitoring an IV infusion, maintaining NPO status and a few accuchecks. Hummm... 1 med/shot to give this AM and a tiny bit of charting and my day is over and I can go home and sleep for a bit.


Oh and I had a thought during this time... Although I am really looking forward to Nursing School again (ok how psycho does that make me sound?) I really am not looking forward to being a "Student Nurse"... to me it feels like a backward step, because I AM a Nurse... ya know?? Oh well, just stupid thinking.

The Night shift 15

Is there a such thing as the Night shift 15... like the Freshman 15? Well my freaking scrub tops are starting to get too damn tight! URGH!!

The actual word DIET is in my future I guess! Well actually it is, which is part of my changes happening. That along with a new acronym in my vocabulary WLS.


T minus 20 days until the beginning of a new "Journey" in my life.

GPA Fail

After enrolling my son into his new school, they posted his cumulative GPA to his stats page and boy wasn't I proud when it popped up with a fat 1.92!!

OMG.. I have never seen a GPA that low. Needless to say there was one LONG ass lecture after that and when I pointed out how I expected this term to be alot higher in his usual smart ass self he responds, " Well I wanted to set the bar low... it can only go up."

Urgh teenagers!

Although it's not like its the GPA or the grades that really matter to me. I want them to learn the subject. Overall his score reflects the fact that his midterm and final grades were A's but the homework and participation grades were zeros. Equals D's in his world. Frustrating none-the-less.

Elemental Changes...

There just may be an new element to this blog soon. Something exciting for me to talk about, reflect on, and rejoice in.


Stay tuned for further information as it becomes available!

Milestones

On Monday my son will start his Jr/Sr year in Highschool. He is planning on accelerating the year. Conceptually he could graduate this year. A part of me is happy for his focus and his goal to finally concentrate on his studies and apply himself. Another part is scared because he is doing so because he wants to join the Army. He's excited about about it. He wants to be an Army Sniper so he can join the SWAT team when he finishes college for his Criminal Justice Degree and ultimately attempt a career with the FBI. I am scared of this on so many levels.

In 20 days my daughter will start her Freshman Year in College toward a degree in Marriage and Family Therapy or Psychology. Wow! So proud of her! So excited for her.



But still I feel so old right now and alot sad that my nest will be empty so soon.

I haven't said this in awhile...

But even though my job has it moments when I am not getting paid, I really LOVE my job. I don't think I could have found a better placement. I actually am learning alot but without the stress of all the crap that goes along with traditional nursing.

Now we just have to keep her healthy so I can get paid on regular basis.

10 Things you may not know...

1.) I married my High School sweatheart, but he wasn't my first marriage.
2.) I had a miscarriage at 16
3.) I ran over an abusive boyfriend's foot with my car to get away from him and the cop arrested him.
4.) I had cancer when I was 27 & became a patient on the floor I worked on as a PCT/CNA at the time. Subsequently, I had to quit that job and I changed careers because I became phobic of hospitals for awhile.
5.) I remember every fiction book nearly word for word after I have read them. But I like to reread them anyway.
6.) I do not like crowded places and will have a panic attack if someone bumps into me at the store and need to leave right away, full cart or not. (This one happened today.. again)
7.) I have a GED, since I dropped out of school in the 12th grade to have my daughter. Even though I had A's throughout school and only 1 class left to take.
8.) I have a had more than a few one night stands.
9.) I am not religious AT ALL. Which saddens me.
10.) My father is 1 of 18 kids, my mother is 1 of 10 kids. They each have a brother named Bobby who is their only sibling to have passed away.

Saturday

So I have taken the great advise given, taken into account my utter lack of interest in paying so much for gas, and need & enjoyment of sleep. I have decided to sacrifice every Saturday for 16 weeks to the Microbiology department. I figure with 1 day a week in person class as opposed to 4 day a week in person class, I can actually finish my final online Humanities course too and be done with my ADN requirements.

Then just in case I have to wait one more semester for the RN Block I can roll into my three BSN general ed pre-reqs. Of course I chose this particular track aka school based on the fact that I do not have to take an extra Math class but its still a long pricey road ahead.

I feel like I will be in school forever!

I can't put my finger on it...

But I feel kinda weird right now. I have this foreboding feeling like... depression is sitting on the edges and is going to smack me in the face again. I hope its just because of the giant ball of stress that has had me emotionally tied in knots for the last 8 weeks is over and my mind and body just don't know how to cope with the lifted weight.

Could it be I function better in stress?


PS... I Did not get an A in Chem but I did get a B. Our school does not differentiate from a B- B or B+ but my overall grade was a freaking 89%!! Sooo close!

Do I wanna put myself through this again?

So over the past 8 weeks I have been going to school and working 4 days a week. Learning a tough subject, having nightmares and stress breakouts over it, and getting very little sleep. I am SOOO glad to report that the chem equation nightmares have stopped! So here in lies my dilemma though...


Microbiology is coming next. I am enrolled in an 8 week class again, which means class 4 days a week with lab 2 days. Same as before. Of course those are the exact same days I work. Except this time it will give me a few hours to sleep after work before class and a few hours before I have to go into work after class. Except unlike Chemistry the school is NOT close to where I work or where I live. So it'll cost a ton more in gas and those extra hours after school will be filled by driving. I want to do the 8 week because it will complete in October in time for the applications for the RN block 3. Of course they won't know if they have placements until December and the 16 week Saturday class ends in early December. Hummmm....

What to do?? I do know that I can submit my application with the Micro in progress since it will complete by the time selection happens, plus the higher your HESI the greater your chances of placement, and my HESI was pretty damn high. But incomplete applications are put to the bottom of the stack.

Urgh... I am really leaning toward the Saturday 16 week class for my sanity and all But I don't know! It'll only a short time and I made it through this one!

Its final

So chem final in the bag. Good news is the Internet gave me the EXACT final that we had. Bad news is that I didn't memorize every question and answer. But the good news is that when I compared the practice exam he gave us with the "practice" exam I found on the computer, I realized two important things; One, they totally recycle exams per semester. And two, I actually learned the material and got an A on my final anyways.

So depending on where he places my extra credit and where all the other points fit in....I still have a chance for an A for the course. Can you believe that?

What I want Vs What I got

I intended on working enough hours in the rest of this week to fill up 40 hours. What I have decided to do is actually only work 36. 3 12 hour shifts Thur, Fri & today Sat. Why? Well because I have to do 3 10 hour shifts immediately following. As in 10 on Sunday, Mon and Tuesday. I of course have the option of extending somewhere, but since I have not really been getting much sleep, and two I still have this last week of school. I do not want a lack of sleep killer migraine during my final on Thursday.

Oh how I can not wait for this class to be OVER! Must get some study time in tonight. Finish up my lab report and study guide/extra credit packet.

PS. Went to see Harry Potter yesterday before work with the boy. It was a very good movie. Can't believe its over and been 10 years since we first went to see the movie and I had never even heard of the books!

Is there a crack in the bell curve?

Heck I was under the impression that there was NOT a bell curve at all in our chemistry class, but apparently it falls somewhere around how much you cry and exactly how many points he can give you on the extra credit final review to justify a passing grade so as not to upset his pass/fail ratio.

I am not speaking about me... but damn I really hope there isn't a crack in that curve where my name should be.

The third exam is completed and it best 2 out of 3 decision time tomorrow. He said a 1/3 of the class got A's except I totally KNOW I am not one of them. A few questions I strictly had to guess and they were NOT multiple choice. I am having sooo much trouble working out the word problems and during tutoring I get it, then wham! gone from my mind on just where to start. I see the question and BLANK!

Nursing math is wayyyyy easier than this!

here's hoping for a C!

Nothing

I've got nothing to talk about except bitching... so I won't.

Relapse

Back to the PICU. Urgh! But I got about 30 hours in in two weeks. Of course I was offered to pick up three shifts this weekend with another kid, BUT a 1 hour and 45 minute commute each way is NOT worth the money when entering a hostile environment with a family you have never met before, just because I know the kid.

Finally

Back to work tonight. I had to make a few calls, have some info tracked down, but I did manage to get things organized so that I could earn some money. Mind you I have loved sleeping nights and all that, but I actually like to do that in a house, with AC , water and food. Ya know?

1 down 1 to go

Pharm in the bag with an A. Final was freaking EASY! Maybe its because the meds were not new to me. So 1 down and 1 to go.





Now for Chemistry - 16 more days and a ton of crap to learn!

The problem with homecare

Is that when the client is not home I do not get paid. One week was doable but two weeks is downright on the brink of scary for my wallet. I think I have to seriously reevaluate this process. Of course with class during the day, my options are limited. BUT I really am going to have to think about this hard. We can not live without my paycheck being big. We just can't. And if I want to go get my RN we need for my job to fit in with school.

This job did that, however, even though she came on on Sat. I still was not able to work on Monday, which would have saved me, being as though it was a holiday, because the damn case wasn't opened back up.

This just plain fucking sucks. So even though she is home her Mom says she is sick and needs to go back to the doctor, so I still have no idea if I am working this week or not. URGH!!!

Cool study tool

Makes studying for my Pharm final more fun and in an organized manor!

I also found this amazing series of books called the Success series. The questions inside were NCLEX format and even contained pictures of EKG strips and asked which medication would you anticipate would be ordered for this rhythm? I think that is the first time that I have seen this type of question style utilized in a review book. Plus it contained rationals for the correct and the wrong answers. Will definitely be using it in the future.

They also had Med-Surg, Maternal & Child Health, as well as Fundamentals.

oh B-ehave

Apparently I currently hold a B in Chemistry, which isn't really too bad since I REALLY did not understand the last few chapters. I did not understand the concept of chemical equations and reactants at all and was just guessing... but after a few hours with an Amazing tutor, I actually finally get it. Of course with some practice I hope to be able to put this all together, do the math correctly and pass my next test with at least a B but preferably an A. Then to nail that final!


In finals news I must take my Pharmacology final on Tuesday. So off this thing to get some work done on my study guide and review. Good thing is that these meds, actions & nursing considerations are not all new concepts. So at least I have a working knowledge of Pharm to base my study on.

New RNs in the House

Congrats to all you new RNs out there. WTG! Seems like this time just flew by!

T minus 23 days...

Until this Godforsaken Chemistry class is over. I am doing OK. Although I totally bombed my last test. The instructor does not grade on a curve but does do best 2 out of 3 on the exam scores, so I really hope the next one is better and I can just CaCO3 this up to a toss away. However, with the aide of a few sessions with the tutors for the first test which nailed me an A, its back to the tutors I go. I went today and things clicked. So I'll just have to put in a few hours to get through this intact with a high enough grade. I really want an A of course, would be OK with a B & would begrudgingly settle for a C. Of course at this point I just hope I pass.

My lab partner is flailing and floundering at a C before this exam and nailed a nice 36 on the last exam and a 1 one the last lab quiz. She still hopes to pull out an A. Um.. I think there may be something wrong with her math.

Oh and Pharmacology final coming and I have not even really put my effort into that class. So this weekend will be concentrated study, since the testing center is closed on Friday, it'll be off to take the Pharm final after chemistry class on Tuesday.

If I didn't procrastinate so much I would be ready since I don't have to work this week yet.

PICU Woes

So I may need to think about another job? I mean I love this one. It gives me alot of freedom and allows me to go to school and study. But I need a job that I actually make money. If she is sick, like she is again, then I end up out of work and not paid. We rely on my money wayyy too much. So I worked a total of 80 hours on my last check then, I am off today, most likely I wont be back to work until the end of the week. A holiday is in there and if she is home I will be working it, despite my anniversary, because we will need the money again. I may have to think about switching to .. what exactly?

Sleep

So I seem to need to sleep all the time. I think this night shift then staying up all day for class has made it so that I must be missing a ton of sleeping. I wasted my whole Friday just sleeping. I went to bed at 7am when I got out of work on Friday morning, slept until about 12 I think, then went back to sleep at 3pm and slept until 9pm. Then stayed up until 1am. Then slept until 10 am this morning.

I am finished with my Pharmacology class except for the final which I think I am going to take next Friday. We got an extension until the 5th.

The second Chem exam is on Monday. A few of my quizzes had dipped down into the 70-80% range from the previous 100% range with these new chapters, but this is getting to be the hard stuff. Chemical equations and all that. I should be studying, but I am procrastinating like a big dog on everything lately.

My private duty case is in the PICU again. So I may or may not have to work on Monday. Sad on a few counts that's for sure.

I really want to get my son out of the house today to do something, but its 113 outside and we really don't have the extra money and I really should be studying. LOL what to do?

Ok so this is pretty much just blabber at this point... so off to finish up some Pharm final related study guide crap.

Holiday Pay

Wow thank God for Holiday pay. I was totally unaware that I was even getting any and forgot that the only day I had worked that week was Memorial Day. It is times like this that being a Nurse really PAYS off.

I had 34 hours for 2 weeks, and my 1 day of holiday pay was nearly equal to the amount of all of those 34 combined.

Woot! I can pay bills this week :-)

Huge Time suck....

That facebook game Gardens of Time is totally addictive. I can't seem to stay a way from it. Of course back in the early days of Farmville I played with that alot too. Then I got bored with it, so that was good. Right now though the problem is that 1, I have a ton of homework to do. 2, I really should be sleeping instead of playing that stupid game because I have NOC shift WORK to go to. & 3, I have a houseful of chores to accomplish if things 1 and 2 are complete.

A-men

First Chem exam in the books with a nice big A. Of course these were the easy chapters, although I must admit, easy or not, Chemistry has been all kinds of stressful. I dream about it. I used to dream about work. Hell I used to actually sleep. But right now I get bits and pieces of sleep. Its pretty hard to sleep during the day some days with all the people coming in and out of my room.

Exam #2 is 1 week from today and my Pharm final is on the 29th. So we are getting closer!

Survey says...

That I am seriously glad I am no longer hanging at the "Vista/Blossom". State should be in next week. The place is crazy in an uproar and all the other not so nice changes going around, well, I am pretty sure I made the right decision. If only she would get home already. Mom, tells me "please hold out." so at least I know they want me to stay.

Temporary Lay Off

Due to a fever of unknown origin related to surgical complication, from what should have been routine, my night job has been on lay off status. Hopefully I will be able to go back to work next week. If she comes home. (This could get very ugly fast in the bill department), I may have to pick up some other hours, but with school right now I don't have many to choose from.

In school new Chemistry is going well, I have my first exam next week. Of course with the help of some tricks from the tutors. This test shouldn't be that bad. I am actually starting to be able to understand the concepts well enough.

Pharmacology is almost over. I have the final on the 29th. Nothing major to report there. It is what it is. Some NCLEX questions and short answer and case study homework every week and the grade rests on the final.

Tomorrow night is Les Miserables with the girls from my old work. Everyone else bailed on me. But it'll be nice to catch up. There have been major changes there, all the LPNs have in fact been replaced by new grad RNs... the worse part is that the LPNs were told to train them. FUCK that. No way would I do that. Its like here's the cart, management can train you. All I know is that if this economy changes once these RNs have some experience ( the word is this place will be subacute/rehab no longer LTC), then you know if the hospitals hire again they will all be out of there pretty damn quick. I mean what would you want 5 patients or 20-30?

In Bullet Points

*I discovered that Gardens of Time game on Facebook! Urgh! Its nearly made me late for class a few times. Hehe!

*I also realized that the thing about homecare when you only have 1 patient is that if they are not there you don't work. You don't work your paycheck sucks!

*Good news is, I kinda get Chemistry, but still can't figure out the math aspects. Although I am understanding concepts better now in an actual class than in online mode.

*It's exciting that my daughter is taking her college placement tests this week, and has been all over me about FAFSA etc. Glad she is so excited about starting college.

In Earnest...

Classes have started and I am so buried its crazy. I even have this week off of work, but there is so much paper work to catch up on. Some college stuff for my daughter and I really want to spend some quality time with them while I can.

I ordered a new battery for my dead laptop, hope that helps. I REALLY need it to fix the issue. it just stopped taking a charge and it just died. We haven't really thought about it in awhile then yesterday I search for battery and found one cheap. So we will see. Of course somehow my charger disappeared so I may be on the hunt for another one of those too. I can't afford to buy a new one and with these classes and my work schedule I really need a laptop. I have plenty of time to study at work so that is NOT an issue.

Hummm... well off to see Pirates with the kids. so I can back and finish up my Chem homework and maybe tomorrow I will actually get to look at my Pharm homework :-)

Finished

Got this on the Nook for my birthday. Started it last night and finished it already. I hope the next book is better. I feel like she is building us up to a really good story line at some point. The last two books have kinda been blah. But I can't wait for the next one.

Bittersweet Bitch Fest

So the kids are with my X this week at a rental house here in town. He, his wife, their two newborn twins, and his parents came in for graduation. We have mingled and its been OK. But I am really ready for him to go home and for things to get back to normal.

Since he carries the insurance for the kids and it was time for Daniel to get his braces off, and since I had to work. His wife took Dan for his appointment. 6 hours later and a TON of fillings and deep scale cleaning (the boy totally did not comply with the braces protocol apparently), and they came back to the house. His father swoops in like he's actually been the one to EVER really be there for the kid, like "Oh all he wants is his father. His father will make it better."

Why does this bother me, to allow his father to feel the hero? Even when I know better. Or the consoler? I mean hell Daniel didn't even want him to talk to him or anything, he never does when he is in pain. But you know it still bothered me. Mostly because his father has been a deadbeat who only comes around for the occasions! Ya know? Tells the kids he has no money to help with cars and school and spends money here like he's got tons to spare? But wants me to go half on everything medically related. Where was he when I spent $3000 on the braces to begin with and just dropped another $600 yesterday? Yeah they can pay the remaining $800, I have no guilt.

With regard to how he acted when the kids were growing up, and how he "acts" more involved with the new babies. His Mom was like, "Oh he's so much better now. He was young then." Ok so being 24 was an excuse for being a total useless ass of a father when they were born and in the 17 years since? I mean come on, I didn't get cut any slack and I was 18 when my daughter was born. But I don't need any excuse. I did the best I could and I did pretty damn well. Even if you don't like it!

There will always be some residual resentment I think, no mater how brave and civil I may seem to appear. I ONLY do it for the children.

So I will let them have their moment in the sun, and let them buy the kids whatever clothes they can, whatever dental supplies he needs. I have been doing it all along and could really use the help.

Well she did it...

The Graduate.
Like I figured I would I cried so much.
I am so proud of her and excited to see where her future takes her.

My babies have grown-up so much, so fast.

In pictures

A Cultured Experience

What a blast Momma Mia! was at the ASU Gammage Broadway Tour. The girls (my daughter and her bestfriend since 5th grade), were all dressed in their prom dresses and got so many compliments. They had a ball. We had a ball. It was a great night for the two graduates.

Next up is Les Miserables as a birthday present for me, but the girls and I are going. I can't wait!



*****
In other news the out of town guest are arriving this afternoon. We are having the graduation party tonight, just a BBQ, and then Graduation is on Tuesday. Company is leaving Memorial Day and I have to work all week. Should be crazy, but should be a blast. I am soo going to cry when I see her officially cross that stage. Heck I got all choked up ordering the dang cake for the party!
*****

What's in an A?

As the end of the semester comes around and grades are posted for some. I thought I would reflect on the concept of "A"'s. In Nursing School the A is an elusive object, much sought after, and hard to achieve. So when you get one flaunt it wide, loud and proudly to the rafters. After all when a "F" is a 75% and below, there is a very small margin throughout the grade spectrum for passing. Ha! And you thought Nursing School was easy?

In prereqs "A"'s were 90% and above. An "F" was below 60%. You know, just like everyone else.

In Nursing School "A"'s are 93% and above in some schools. I know that was true for mine. So with a 92.75% I never did manage to reel in that elusive true Nursing School "A" in lecture. But I will continue trying ;-)

So What constitutes an A in your Nursing School? What is failing?

Go ahead and brag, it's OK.

Do you ever wonder why...?

You put yourself through the drama of pre-reqs, the pain of nursing school, the lack of sleep and the total separation from family given the current job market outlook?

Do you wonder if you are doing all of this for nothing? That all those NO NEW GRAD positions will remain? Or if you only have an ADN that the BSN is the only ticket to ride? Will your RN sit for years unused aging you out of the running for those programs if they finally do reopen?

I have a job currently, the pay is very good and I know that this job will be waiting for me as an RN with more pay. But I can't help but wonder about everyone else, and in the scheme of things, me. This particular job is not the reason I continue to go to school.

I have a path I want to take, have decided that as long as I am moving forward and love my current job it doesn't matter exactly how long it takes to get my DREAM job as an RN. Of course I don't want to be nearing retirement either.

But I will keep plugging away, apply when needed, wait when appropriate and continue to move forward.

I just hope that moving forward doesn't take me two steps back. With that I mean as an LPN I was a cart pushing pill pusher with 30 residents. Now that's the exact RN available job market.

I just hope that the economy and the job market for nurses turns around. So even as I follow my path toward PeriOperative Nursing and evenutally the classroom. There is a paying job at the end of the road.

Blah... I am really tired... can you tell. LOL

Pharmacology

So the Pharm class information has been posted on Blackboard. I looked at the syllabus and noticed 1 big thing about it. There are 100 possible points for the entire class. Guess what... 75 of them are the cumulative final. I am pretty pissed about this, it sucks that my 98% = A in Pharm is considered too old because it was more than 1 year ago. So in order to keep my A I pretty much have to get all of those 75 points. I mean yes there are 25 possible points for homework, and a "few" extra points could be available for participating in the online discussions. But still, its like its simply a CLEP exam with busy work.

Chemistry starts soon. Yuck!

But good news is I can actually say that I... wait for it.... Love my new job.

Conversations

So the family and I had the big conversation yesterday over a really nice Mother's Day dinner. You know the one, about how this next year and a half is going to be crazy hard, they're probably not going to see me much and I will be dog tired when they do. Home cooked dinners will be a thing of the past and you are on your own for laundry.

They all seemed really on board, aware that they really need my paycheck to make things work, and want me to be an RN, with that eventual further bump in pay it comes with. So they all have agreed to pitch in more when necessary. The concensus was, " Hey we've been through this before." Yeah I am reminded of that, and just how bad it almost turned out too. Can things be that much different?

Now with hubby working 50+ hours a week still, and being who he is. Someone how I doubt it'll be different than it has been. But I think I'll give him the benifit of the doubt. Its not like he doesn't help with household chores now. It's just that when he does laundry, he throws it back into the hamper where it wrinkles and well "gets dirty" again, thus I have to rewash clothes. Not something I want to do. Not something I will have time to do. Not to mention any other cleaning either.

My son is deciding on if he wants to go back to traditional school next year for his Junior year or go to the online charter school. The thing about him is that he is very smart, gets bored easily, and has personaility issues with some teachers and the idea of homework. So while he may be able to pull an A out at the midterm and final, his grades are D's and F's in the meantime. I don't know why they put so much credit towards homework with regard to a grade. Its like he was born to just CLEP, classes or something. I have tried everything to get through to him, but he never was the kind to conform for the sake of conforming. Weird how his goal is to be in the Army and a Police Office. Talk about the ultimate in conformation.

We are also deciding if we want to move when our lease runs out. My husband is sick of moving. Of course I totally understand where he is coming from. But, since we actually have the chance to move 25 miles closer to where we both work and save money on housing and gas. Well, it may be a no brainer. A little bit of work one day, to save alot of money? So we'll see. This is where I see the lazy factor coming in.

T minus 9 days....

And counting until classes start again. First up is the repeat of Pharm. I am going to try and see if I do not have to buy a book for that class and can get by with my old pharm book and a good old fashioned dose of Mosbys. I really don't want to fork out over $66 bucks! WOW, I can tell you my last Pharm class we never even used the textbook, it was all powerpoint and notes. Since this is an online class I have no idea how that will work.

Now 5/31/11 begins Chemistry. I have to go and get the book and lab manual for that one. Gosh I am NOT looking forward to this class at all and just want to get out of there qith a passing grade and one step closer to getting the RN ball rolling along.

Except for the no sleep part...

This placement is perfect. Great kid, great family, great great great!!

Now if I can figure out how to stay awake all night then go to school all day 4 days a week?

Overnights

Well I start overnights on Monday for another placement. Unfortunately it will eventually mean that I will not be doing my Friday Saturday case anymore.

In other news, this change also means that I will not be able to sleep a few days a week once I start the official Nursing Program again, so it may only be until January.

I have also had to rearrange my chemistry class because I would not be able to go from work to class, so I made it that I go to class then go to work. So I get to sleep.

The dogs tend to enjoy sleeping during the day, so some black out shades and I should be in business.

Realizations

So I have come to the realization that in order to go back to school I HAVE to stay in the Homecare field. Good news, I have a current homecare position. Bad news, it fucking sucks!!

So I am calling the office this AM and asking for a new placement for my Wed and Thur location. The last straw and all that. There is a revolving door of nurses at this place and not one has lasted longer than a month. I, myself am just about at two months, so I am sure they won't be surprised with my call.

I just can not take the abuse anymore. They constantly play the blame game and God help us if we do not do something perfect. " YOU PUT SOCKS ON HER!!!" 1 parent wants it one way, the other parent another and the nurse is stuck in the middle, called a liar and berated over and over about it. Sure I may have been unable to determine the style of dressing over the j-tube, that has changed five hundred times when I removed said saturated dressing and replaced it the "old" way. Sure I have no idea what your taped sign says, and I am sorry I am was not aware I needed to be rough with the child when putting them in the chair. I am not comfortable with it, and I am in fear everyday for my license because of the way they are always throwing the blame at the Nurse for everything. No I am not perfect and yeah I would have excepted that I did not do the dressing the same way. But the let's gang up on, yell at, accuse and scream at for 30 minutes over. Yes I will defend myself and say, " I did not see the way the tape was, it was so soaked it was all peeled away from the skin, I removed it with the top 4x4 and replaced it the way I thought it was." Sheesh! I am also pretty pissed about being screamed at first when they assume I did something wrong, then they see it is right, they laugh and then leave the room. "YOU PUT SHORTS ON HER!", "Oh, haha".

So yeah I have HAD IT. I have to go back there today and am seriously wishing I could call in. I would but I am sure they would fire me and I actually really enjoy a paycheck. Go figure.

So have also sent out some feelers to some other homecare agencies. I wouldn't mind keeping only the Friday Saturday gig, I really like the family over there, but I think adult homecare per visit may be something that will fit in better.

So we will see. I think they may have someone who can take my place, it'll just be a matter of if they have something else for me.

Blog Roll

So my daughter has decided to start a blog detailing how her life is changing as she attempts to graduate highschool and moves on toward the real world. If you want to re-live those days gone by or just spy. Feel free to peak in on her Blog. Leave a comment if you do, she'd love it.

Motivating Factor

With all the talk about going back to school, all the NCLEX-RN questions I have been studying, and all the sharing of information, I have been doing. My excitement and research of EVERY freaking nursing program out there in my area, has motivated some long time LPNs to continue their degrees and I am glad they credited my enthusiasm as a motivating factor to their final decisions to enroll and get the ball rolling.

Do I think every LPN should become an RN? No, but with the many choices that one initial change makes, along with the boost in respect, I think that every LPN should feel confident that they have the ability and the option to continue their professional nursing career!


I can't wait to get started already myself and get this over with. Of course I will be regretting it and bitching about it in the process. LOL But I have come to the conclusion that the year and a half since finishing school, the wavering, has put me in the exact place to know that the decision that I have made will be the correct one in the end.