Week 5.... OMG this turned into a RANT

Wow it really seemed like I just wrote week 4 was done. The weeks are flying by.

There have been so many things this week, Lifespan Development ,Therapeutic Communication methods,Heart and Lung sounds, Assessments, and Hospice chapters. More skill practice of course and its been exactly what I expected it to be... hard. However, not really hard, if you know what I mean? I guess its because I read NCLEX-PN test questions for a whole month prior to classes starting. Perhaps it is due to the numerous resources that www.allnurses.com had about the Nursing Process. Whatever it was, I feel as if those are the reasons that I am, although stressed and studying like crazy, still feeling as if I have some time to myself. So I am treading water pretty well I think.

However, I am as usual disillusioned with the female element of class. Fair weather friends or just being used? Then comes the jealousy of course. Am I in High School again? I find that I can actually relate better to the ESL students than to those that are contemporarily closer to my demographic. Africans, Nigerians specifically, really are a great people! I don't think I have made and "true" friends yet, I doubt I will. ( This probably comes off bitchy or worse to those of you that don't know me. But to those of you that do, you understand what I mean)

The luck or fate shows some peoples true colors. I don't know which? But it all really starts with this:

Instructor: "If you are giving a digoxin dose what do you need to take first?"

Instructor looks around the room and who does she call on? Christine, of course.

Christine: "Apical pulse"

Instructor: "Which is located where?"

Christine: "The Mitral Valve, point of PMI at the apex of the heart."

Instructor: " Using the locations for the cardic sounds you learned yesterday?"

Christine: "5th intercostal space, left midclavicular line"

Girl sitting next to me announces: " She knows the whole thing!"

Instructor: " Give it a try Christine."

As Christine states verbatim that which was taught yesterday, Instructor's eyes nearly pop out of her head and her smile widens. I can see that it is a "eureka!" moment for the Instructor, who is used to looking into a room filled of people with that dear in the headlights look. Great ego boost for her too.

Then you hear the murmurs!!! " Of course she knows" Coming from the girls in my row who are friendly and want to get together and study ( me teach them ), or want my notes, or something else. Those who have either failed the first two tests or who are passing by 1 point. It irks me, it makes me mad.

So, as has become my habit, I pull back into myself. Pack my bag at the end of the day and rush out of the room after class not waiting for the usual laments of misery I empathetically listen to, encouraging them, that they will do fine, That they will get it. Its a processes. blah blah blah.

So I will revert back into my shell. Minimally talk to anyone, outside of the basic niceties. Walls back up, people at an arm's distance.

It would be one thing if I was one of those people who hijacks the class, I only talk pretty much when the Instructor asks me a direct question. Most times I know the answer, sometimes I do not, I'll admit that. But it all goes back to the binder, and the fact that I actually take notes when I read and I am lucky she just happens to ask me the questions I know.

I blog my successes on here, because, well it's mine! Other than that I hate to tell people in the class how I did on the test, but they badger sometimes I swear! Do I lie and say I am struggling too? Well hell no! This isn't a PC world where everyone gets a trophy. I work hard for my grades! Just because you think it looks easy for me, doesn't mean you know me.

It takes Benadryl and Blood Pressure Pills to keep this fake calm facade.